Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: MAP (01/31/19)
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TITLE: Let God be our Guide | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tricia Draper
02/04/19 -
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“This way is faster,” he said. ‘Why do women think they are right all the time?’ he asked himself, as he rolled his eyes.
“Fine, let’s pray about it,” Gloria said. ‘Lord, please help show him I am right,’ she prayed to herself.
‘Lord, please tell her that I know what I’m doing!’ he said under his breath.
After that, the argument again resumed. They were yelling and words were flying around that should not have been said. There was a bumper sticker on the back of their car that said, “I love Jesus”. They were faithful to go to church every Sunday, but they were not living their lives committed to the Lord.
“Both of you are going about this the wrong way,” their fifteen-year-old daughter, Stephanie, said from the back seat. She was tired of them fighting all the time. “Have you guys ever stopped to ask which way God wants you to go? You always think your way is right, but without God, your map is useless.”
Her parents looked at her stunned. They didn’t think that she was really listening to them. A conviction came over them. Were they really that bad? Maybe Stephanie was right.
Edward and Gloria looked at each other in surprise. Gloria spoke up first. “Do you think we have been doing this all wrong?” she asked Edward. “Maybe we should take a moment to really pray. It seems like we have been trying to go our own way and not ask God where He wants us to go. How have we fallen so far?”
Edward pulled over to the side of the road. There were no other cars on the small country lane. “Stephanie, would you please pray with us; a real prayer this time?”
They all took hands as Edward opened his mouth to pray. “Heavenly Father, please forgive us for taking You for granted. We humbly ask that You would join us, not only on this trip, but also in our daily lives. Please be our map to get us through everyday life. We love You, Lord. Thank You. Amen.”
He looked at Gloria who had tears in her eyes. He knew things would not be easy to change overnight, but there was a genuine heart change in all of them.
Gloria turned to Stephanie and said, “I’m so sorry for what we have put you through. Please forgive us.”
“It is fine, Mom. I’m just glad we can all work together as a family. I love you both.”
“And we love you very much,” Gloria replied. “Families are wonderful gifts from God. When we trust in God, He will always lead and guide us.”
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“You’re going the wrong way, Edward,” Gloria sighed and then twisted around and whispered to Stephanie. "Men never listen."
Stephanie squirmed and pretended she didn't hear her mother's mutterings.
Her father cleared his throat and peered at her in the rear-view mirror. “This way is faster." Stephanie watched him roll his eyes. She could almost read his mind. She closed her eyes. <i> I bet he's thinking that women always think they're right. Why doesn't he understand I'm a woman too and by thinking or saying derogatory things about females, he's putting me down too? </i>
Of course, she knew her mom wouldn't let his comment go. Stephanie cringed when her mom said, “Fine, let’s pray about it. Lord, please help show him I am right."
I know I made some changes, but wanted to show you how almost the same words can be more powerful if told from just one perspective. It's hard to show other character's thoughts though, so I tried to show it in Stephanie's thoughts. The <> with the I in beginning and /I at end will put what's in those brackets into italics, which is a great way to show thought.
I think you have a powerful story here. My favorite genre to read and write is children's stories, and I believe this would make a great short story for a middle schooler. It needs some tweaking, but would be great in a magazine or maybe in a Sunday School take-home sheet for kids 10 to 13 or so. You have a great message, and having the MC (Stephanie) resolve the conflict makes a great ending for a YA or middle-reader story. I'd love to see you do more in this genre. It's not an easy one, but you seem to have a knack for it.
God Bless~