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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: ONEROUS (03/02/17)
“Come on, let us climb the hill,” she said with confidence.
Looking upwards it was steep but they were young, athletic and bored.
There were shrubs to hold on to and the rocks looked dry and stable. It was about a forty degree incline.

“We could walk all the way around the bend and where was the fun in that?” she said with a smile.
“Sure.Let’s do it!” he responded warmly. “I will take up the rear and be your rearguard” he added with a smile.

They both wore sturdy walking shoes but secretly he feared her slipping, but if he was behind he could protect her. They were on holiday in the Greek island of Crete. There was no one about and no warning signs.

They began their climb. One step at a time. The first few yards were easy but the higher they climbed the steeper it became. The route they took was slightly skewed but always they kept their eyes upward. Most of the climb was done on all fours. It was more like a clamber because the terrain was unstable.

As they walked small rocks and rubble gave way under their feet. They held on to shrubs along the way and thankfully none gave way. Forward they went and never thought of going back the way they came because they knew that going back would be negative and even more risky than going forward.So on they went.

“Are you okay?” was her occasional query.
“Oh yes,” he would say breathlessly with as much confidence as he could muster. After about half an hour they were at their destination. They were smiling, breathless and joyful.

They had done something different and difficult today, away from the routine. No tourist guides, just instinct and it had not been easy.
“That was fun” they unanimously agreed.
They were smiling as they walked into the village where older men sat around a tree talking to each other and playing games. They received some odd glances but did not care.

Years later on reflection, they knew that God had protected them as he promised in His Word.*

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble"
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This article has been read 594 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jenny Fulton 
03/10/17
Fun story about lessons learned from a child's adventure.

I would have like to know more about the ages and relationship of the characters to each other.
C D Swanson 
03/10/17
Nicely done!

A great message as well.

Blessings~
Larry Whittington
03/11/17
I am glad the word time does not just mean when we are young and athletic. It is true when we are old and not so athletic also.

Nice description of a day in yesterday's days.
Phillip Cimei
03/11/17
A fun read. You made me want to get my climbing shoes on and head out. I enjoyed it. A few grammar issues, i.e., spaces and commas. Look over it several times before submitting it; I am sure you will catch them. God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/14/17
I like aspects of this story for sure. I'd like to see a bit more human nature in it though (but still have the great ending). For Example;
Mary [don't be afraid to give them names, it'll make it more personable] licked her lips as she craned her neck backward. Mustering courage, she squeezed Randy's hand. "C'mon, let's get climbing!" [Notice I used a bit of slang and showed a bit of reasonable fear along with confidence.]
Mary looked at Randy and imagined his heart might be pounding more than he'd let on, but her eyes followed his, stopping at the shrubs and rocks. She figured he was planning the safest route for them both.
I took out some of the unnecessary information to avoid POV shifts and to show instead of tell. I also introduced a tiny bit of fear to pull the reader in even more.

I like their faith, even amidst something scary. We are lucky to have a Randy, but to know the Holy Spirit too, wow! That's what your story does--wow me. You helped me with something I've been wrestling with. Keep writing. You are making a difference.