Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: North (05/05/16)
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TITLE: Anthem | Previous Challenge Entry
By Don Buschert
05/12/16 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“And make mine a large black, said Norm. “And I'll get a Boston Crème too. This is on me Frank.”
“Thanks Bud. Had I known you were buying, I'd have ordered more,” said Frank giving Norm a gentle pat on the back. The two men stepped aside from the long snaking line of patiently waiting customers.
“She's a cutie,” said Norm, motioning to the cashier.
“Don't kid yourself, Asian women are younger than they look.”
“She'd take good care of you Frank. She'd wait on you hand and foot. Nurse ya when you're old!”
“Nah, I'm too difficult to live with. My crusty, stubborn ways would drive her back home.”
The two men laughed and grabbed their orders, then sat down at a nearby table.
“We need to rewrite our national anthem,” said Frank out of the blue, as he stirred in an extra pack of sugar.
“Why? It's fine the way it is. Just as long as we don't have to sing it in French,” said Norm, as he bit into his Boston Crème. Some of the filling oozed out the other end, dripping sloppily onto the table.
“Well for starters we need to drop 'God keep our land'.”
Norm gave Frank an exasperated look. “Really? Show some respect. O Canada is a prayer.”
“To which God?"
Norm thought for a moment and took a long sip from his coffee. “Well, I guess the fella that wrote it would've prayed to the Judeo-Christian God.”
“Great,” said Frank, still stirring his coffee. “So how does that make Muslims, Buddhists and Sikhs feel?”
“Tough on them. If they come to our country, they should adapt," said Norm coldly.
“And what about hopeless, avowed Atheists like me?" said Frank with a brash smirk. “There shouldn't be any religious tones in our national anthem. It should always be neutral.”
Norm sipped on his coffee again; hoping, wishing there was something else to talk about. Frank kept stirring his coffee.
“Are you going to sit there and stir all day?” asked Norm glumly.
“I want it fully dissolved. There’s nothing worse than sugar crystals in my coffee.” Frank wouldn’t let Norm change the subject. He continued on with his rant, “And that bit about 'True North strong and free'? Drop it too. We have no military. We're not strong. Our freedom is dependent on the government.”
“We're a northern country, Frank. In case you haven't noticed, there's snow on the ground five to six months of the year. What are you going to change it to? 'O land of rocks and trees and shores of three seas'"
"That's really good Norm. You could have a native drum pounding in the background.” The two men laughed.
“Yeah, that'll go over real well at hockey games,” said Norm, now lightening up.
“Hey, gotta be inclusive.”
“Add a line in there for the LGBT community while you're at it. Can't forget them either.”
“Nope, and don't forget our obsession with multiculturalism.”
Frank finally stopped stirring and sipped his coffee. “Perfect,” he said satisfactorily. “Also, be sure to change 'All thy son's command' to 'In all of us command'.”
"Why can't ‘son's’ mean generic?” countered Frank. “You know, like ‘all you guys’ or ‘all men are created equal’. We’re all too absorbed with gender-consciousness.”
Frank shrugged as he sipped again, rapidly losing interest in the conversation. He carefully eyed the cashier who served them earlier. Norm had his back to her, and was oblivious to Frank’s gawping scrutiny.
“Well I like 'True North strong and free', said Norm as he downed the last of his donut. “That phrase makes it sound like we're grounded as a nation. Solid. Like we have a noble purpose on this earth. Like we’re headed somewhere. And 'God keep our land.’ That's good too. Just in case there really is a God. Wanna be on His good side if you know what I mean? Besides, without God how can you ensure there's absolutes or direction?"
Both men stared into their empty mugs. Frank was getting restless; no longer paying attention to Norm, now the one rambling. The conversation Frank kicked off with so much spark and ardour was now in danger of fizzling.
“I think we’re done solving the world’s problems,” said Frank, eyeing the cashier again. “Maybe I'll go get her phone number."
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