The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/13/06
A familiar story for many lonely souls...and written well. I liked your Title..."A Trolley of Hope".
I like your story. I think it rings true with quite a few people past and present.

My only complaint is you say quite a few things "under my breath". Is Doug hard of hearing? How about said to myself, or thought to myself instead? Just a small nitpicky thing.

Great story.
07/15/06
I think the world is filled with sould waiting for a sense of complete joy. We search in all the wrong places until the Holy Spirit comes and draws us into a Great journey that also meets and overflows our needs. I could feel/share your recall of past searches myself. That's what good writing does,it draws the reader into seeing a bit of himself/herself in the author's account. You did it.
07/18/06
This is good. Your descriptions are vivid. Wonderful. The ending was abrupt. It seemed rushed; not quite fitting with the rest of the story's tone. Overall, a very nice piece. Thank you.
07/20/06
good story. I felt the frustration and loneliness. Watch out for too many commas. Pesky little things.