The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/12/06
Pretty good message, a few grammatical errors, but tight writing like this overcomes a lot of minor flaws. One negative statement, how it was placed, threw me for a second, I had to re-read (J didn't), but it worked out.
05/13/06
This was a good story of God's work in a life.
You seem fond of writing a lot in one sentence and seperating it all with commas. See if you can shorten many of them by turning one into two or three sentences, or use the ;. It would be good to know what Johnathan is doing every day now to show the before and after description of how his near death illness has changed him.
I agree this is good. There are a few grammar issues but overall it is effective. I especially liked your ending.