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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: HIKE (07/07/22)
Andrea took a deep breath and looked at the entrance to the trailhead. Now that she was here, she felt slightly unsure of herself. Just inside the gate, she stopped to read the sign. The caption at the top read: THE SPRING THAT BREATHES. She let the breeze caress her face and listened to the memory of her pastor’s voice as he sang last Sunday.

It was true. Yesterday was gone. She knew that all too well. Just like the song said, she had a need today.

“Mom.” Her daughter Kayla made the word two syllables in an attempt to get her attention.

Andrea turned and faced her family. Her husband, Tom, smiled at her easily. Her daughter appeared bored with this nature trip. She had complained three times now that the glare made it impossible to play her game on her phone.

“So,” Tom began as he looked past her to the peak of Red Top Mountain. “How far up did it say we have to hike?”

“Hike?” Kayla protested. “You can’t take a boat up that thing? You mean we have to walk?”

This wasn’t going the way Andrea envisioned it. Again, she let the memory of her pastor’s song play in her mind. As Tom put his arm around Kayla and reassured her, so too did the lyrics reassure her. God was with her.

Together, as a family, they started up the path alongside the stream. Tom and Kayla chattered continuously, but Andrea didn’t join in the conversation. Her thoughts were swimming around her head as she put one foot in front of the other and listened to the water flowing alongside them. She was in Afton, Wyoming. After all these years of wondering about this place, she would finally get to experience it for herself.

At the top of the stream was a pool of water so clear you could count the rocks in the bottom of the pool. The water was ice cold and shin deep. Despite the signs posted warning visitors not to get into the pool, Andrea couldn’t resist. Tom and Kayla followed her. They all cupped the water in their hands and drank from it. Even Kayla remarked that this place was “pretty cool.”

They had only been in the water about ten minutes when it started draining away. Kayla turned in circles, looking at the water as it went from shin deep, to ankle deep, to nothing. She looked at Andrea. “Where did it go?”

Andrea shrugged both shoulders. “I don’t know. That’s why they call it a periodic spring. It flows a while and then stops a while and then flows again.”

Tom led them to the mouth of the spring, where a ledge protruded. “Let’s sit here a minute. Your mom has something she wants to read.”
They all sat down with their legs crossed in front of them. Andrea opened her backpack and took out a Coleman jug. She sat it in front of them. Next she sat two packs of cherry Kool-Aid beside that and a Ziploc bag of sugar.

“You brought Kool-Aid?” Kayla asked, rolling her eyes. “Why didn’t you at least get the grape?”

“Listen.” Tom told her.

Next, Andrea pulled out a worn notebook. She opened it and began to read:

“July 12, 1994. We went to the Periodic Spring today. It is so beautiful! At the top, Aaron made cherry Kool-Aid from the spring water and proposed to me in the dry pool just before it came back to life. It was amazing!”

Kayla looked at Andrea, studying her for a moment. “Is that Grandma’s diary?”

Andrea wiped a tear from her cheek. “Yes.”

Rumbling sounds came from inside the mountain just then. They were soft at first and gradually became louder. Water began to rise again in the pool. After a moment, the spring itself burst back to life beneath them with water gushing from the mouth.

Kayla laughed. She took the jug and dipped it into the water, filling it full. Tom poured the sugar and Kool-Aid packets into the water. He tightened the lid on the jug and shook it. Andrea handed him the plastic cups and he filled them up.

They tapped their cups together. Andrea looked up to the sky. “Happy birthday mom. We love you.”
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This article has been read 314 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene Custer 
07/16/22
What a special story!
Gloria Pierre Dean
07/18/22
A well-written description of an unhurried exciting family adventure..
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/19/22
You did an outstanding job of showing instead of telling. It felt authentic. You could take it a step farther with Kayla saying, "Moo--oommm." And perhaps show body language to show her trying to get her Mom's attention instead of telling (the telling is a slight POV shift too, but by showing, the reader figures out the intention by the actions). Perhaps she sighs, grunts, and stomps her foot. I think you did a great job of writing on topic and I could relate to the pain. My mom has been gone 29 years, yet I still miss her and tell my granddaughters stories about her. This is an article your family will cherish if it's true and others will closely relate to it either way.
Avigail David
07/20/22
Creative. Inspiring. On topic, in my opinion, from beginning through to the end. It was a meaningful hiking experience for Andrea, Tom and, later at their destination, Kayla's.

Delightful! Thank you!



Laurie Bahlke
07/20/22
I really enjoyed reading your entry! The entry from the grandmother's journal and the description of how a special time was remembered and honored was very sweet and your words created the mental picture so that in a way, I shared in the experience too!