The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/05/19
You have good material here for a story. I can hear your heart, but the writing needs some work. I believe this story is worth spending some time rewriting. The message is important and strong. Rewriting until the message reads like an enticing story will be worth the STRUGGLE. Go for it!
Teenagers can be trying, that's for sure! It would have been easier to read this piece had you given spaces to the paragraphs. The white space is visually appealing, and lets the reader better understand what is being said. Look at other entries, then you will get what I'm saying. It would also help to let conversations have their own space, so the reader can tell who is speaking. You have what it takes to tell a good story, it just needs a better presentation! Keep on writing!
09/10/19
What a beautiful witness and excellent message for those reading this entry. Thank you for sharing, it touched my heart.
Blessings~
This is a powerful story. The world needs to read pieces like this to understand others feel this way too. Depression can be so debilitating.

You need to tweak some of the punctuation, try to tighten it up some, as well as do more showing and less telling. These things all get easier the more you write and the more you read.

You've a great foundation here and I can see it touching so many hearts and helping people out of the darkness and into the light. Good job!