The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/30/15
Beautifully expressed!

God bless~
This is a beautifully written poem. The strongholds in our life can be broken in our lives if we look to Christ. You expressed your emotions through out the poem.
05/04/15
Your poem was like lightening the darkness, right on.
05/05/15
This poem's strength is its word choice and imagery--words like formidable, ceaseless and gripped (among many others) really enable your reader to envision and almost to feel the poet's emotions.

I found the flow a little bit choppy--I think that closer attention to meter might help with that, and perhaps some punctuation. While it's true that poets are "allowed" to play around a bit with punctuation and other conventions of prose writing, adding occasional punctuation here and there will help your readers to read the phrases with more meaningfullness, and more smoothly.

I definitely appreciated your unusual rhyme scheme (ABAC), and your occasional use of slant rhyme. I'll be covering those in my next two weeks' lessons on the forum, and I'd love for you to stop by (the forum is called Jan's Writing Basics) and contribute to the "class."
05/07/15
Congrats Bonnie!
Well done,
God bless~