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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: A MIGHTY FORTRESS (don't write about the song) (04/23/15)
Bound by a stronghold in the soul
Formidable as a locked book
Obscured meanings took their deep toll
Words unable to express thought

Outer appearance so unkempt
Stripped down by ceaseless afflictions
Too edge worn to make an attempt
Faded glimpses of the true self

Spiraled into saddest parts
Fear and distress—the new chapters
A shadow cast across the heart
Tightened and gripped the tense muscles

Slowly the facade chipped away
The Author’s message shined through
The beginning of a new day
Eyes opened to God’s hope and grace

The Spirit imprinted verses
Ended darkness—brought in the light
The negative thoughts were dispersed
Stood firm on the rock and refuge

***************************************************


I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:1-2 NIV)
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
04/30/15
Beautifully expressed!

God bless~
Loni Bowden-Horn 
04/30/15
This is a beautifully written poem. The strongholds in our life can be broken in our lives if we look to Christ. You expressed your emotions through out the poem.
Amy Gaudette 
05/04/15
Your poem was like lightening the darkness, right on.
Jan Ackerson
05/05/15
This poem's strength is its word choice and imagery--words like formidable, ceaseless and gripped (among many others) really enable your reader to envision and almost to feel the poet's emotions.

I found the flow a little bit choppy--I think that closer attention to meter might help with that, and perhaps some punctuation. While it's true that poets are "allowed" to play around a bit with punctuation and other conventions of prose writing, adding occasional punctuation here and there will help your readers to read the phrases with more meaningfullness, and more smoothly.

I definitely appreciated your unusual rhyme scheme (ABAC), and your occasional use of slant rhyme. I'll be covering those in my next two weeks' lessons on the forum, and I'd love for you to stop by (the forum is called Jan's Writing Basics) and contribute to the "class."
C D Swanson 
05/07/15
Congrats Bonnie!
Well done,
God bless~