The Official Writing Challenge
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This was really exciting you did a great job building the suspense. This could easily be expanded into a novel. You've got an exciting plot.
What an exciting and suspenseful story. I was so engaged with the story. Beautifully written. Keep writing.
so dramatic! a real thriller and full of suspense. Yes it reads like an extract from a longer novel and i have questions inevitably ;-) if it was an extract i would have to read the whole book to find those answers
Wow, most compelling. I read faster and faster. So, glad for a happy ending. Thanks for sharing.
A fun, suspenseful read.

If you will put a space between paragraphs it will make it easier for the reader to stay focused.

Well done.
congratulations on your highly commended placing .... the judges also clearly liked your thrilling adventure story style... what will you try next that is always the exciting question. look forward to reading it whatever it is :-)