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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
I couldn't get away from the noise. It kept getting louder and louder and louder still. It was coming from all sides too. There must be a place to get some peace and quiet. A place where the cell phone, laptop, email, wife, kids, boss, employees, cannot get to you? Then I stumbled across Mark 1:35 just by accident and read these few simple words. "The next morning Jesus awoke long before daybreak and went out alone into the wilderness to pray." That's it! I found a pathway. I set my alarm for 5:13am. I made sure my ipod was charged. I bought some new walking shoes. Into the wilderness I went, or at least my cul-de-sac. The neighbors aren't up yet, the sun is just barely rising, I can see my breath, and it's just me. Nobody to boss me around, nobody to choose my pace, nobody to call, fax, email, and nobody to listen to...oh wait, there was one to listen to. The only one worth listening to. I look forward to that conversation every morning now. If anybody's looking for me, I'm out walking with my "father".
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Virginia Gorg
06/08/06
Interesting, but I'm not sure an ipod would allow God the silence to speak to you. But nicely done overall.
dub W
06/13/06
This can be expanded into a legit work. Avoid the tense shift and describe the walk, describe exactly what is happening during the walk. I think you have a start, keep writing.
Sue Goodreau
06/14/06
Oh--if I only had the dedication to put this into practice. We all need to spend time alone with God, listening. You're right--it doesn't happen when a million other things are vying for our attention. A good devotional.

Perhaps in the last sentence you could start a new paragraph. That would help separate the tense change so that the reader would better understand that you are now speaking in the present.

A good job.