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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SOCIAL (04/07/16)
Hey lady!  Hey lady!  What you doin?
I see you lots , all alone,
Alone at church.
Alone at the store.
Alone with your dog.
There's this guy, see him too.
Why ain't he with you?
Maybe you wouldn't look so sad if he went too.

Hey Lady, Hey! What you doin?
I see you with people,
But you're still all alone.
Why don't you join in?
Why not have some fun.
Hey, you leav'n?
Why?  The fun is inside, the smiles, the laughter
Why you leave that behind, to go be alone?

Hey lady, hey!  What you do'in
I don't get you, not one bit.
You could be happy, you could be smil'in.
You could be laugh'n yo'self silly
With people who care.
You don't give them a chance.

Hey, lady, hey, God gave you friends.
He put them there, you just need to stay.
Why can't you take the gifts He gives?
Ain't no one in there better or worse than you,
Not in His eyes.

Hey lady, hey, what you do'in?
Maybe you wouldn't be so sad if you'd stop your mop'in
Maybe you'd be happy and lose that weight.
What's that you say, "Done too much wrong?"
Hey, ain't we all?

Hey lady, hey!  You need to get out there, lady!
You ain't no victim, you know.  
Make that phony smile real.
Stop say'n you're sorry, stop your mop'in,
stop feel'in sorry for yo'self.
Stop hid'n from the world, Stop hid'n from yo'self.

Hey, Lady, Hey!
God had lots for you to do!
And you ain't gonna do it act'in the way you do.
You get yo'self up, you read His Word.
You get outta your chair, get out in His world.
His joy is out there, no more of this junk.

Hey, Lady, Hey!
Throw that pity party out and pick yo'self up.
Do His will, with joy in your heart.  
He'll put it there, you'll see.

So walk by faith, be brave if that's what it takes.
Next time I ask, "Hey Lady!  What you doin?"
I want to see a real smile on that face.
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This article has been read 582 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Bonnie Bowden 
04/14/16
This poem raises many good points about loneliness. My favorite line was: I see you with people, but you're still all alone. Maybe since I deal with weight issues, I didn't totally agree with the line: Maybe you'd be happy and lose that weight.
Brenda Rice
04/14/16
I think your poem is interesting and uses the topic well. Thank you sharing.
C D Swanson 
04/15/16
Interesting approach to the topic, well done.

Blessings~
Bill Price
04/15/16
I took this as a form of poetry, a song perhaps, but myself often being accused of writing from a different room, I liked this. I enjoyed the energy. I always like repetition. I think the only thing here, structurally that got you was trying to stretch it to the word count. But I like what I read, the rhythm/cadence of the lines. Very good. I'll be interested to see who wrote this so I can read some more. Good work.
Larry Whittington
04/15/16
If we are a loner, we shouldn't be grumpy or sad or envious of those in a crowd.
God has made us the way we are for a purpose.Also if we are in a crowd, we should not let this go to our head.God made us a certain way and we should live where he wants us to live but live the way he wants us to live.

I like to see a poem or two here. Writing is a gift but writing poetry is a double gift.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
04/17/16
Interesting take on the topic.

It was so sad that the lady chose loneliness over the happiness Christ could give her.

it might have been interesting if you had started the poem of the lady's loneliness without Christ at the beginning and the joy she received after she met Christ.

I liked the repetitive stanzas.
Sherry Brock
04/18/16
I'm not a big poetry fan, but I enjoyed this one. I understood each line and found it fun to read. Of course, it had a good message too. It maybe did go a little long- but, hey, if you got me to read a poem all the way to the end, you've done well (by my standards anyway).
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/19/16
I love this. I have tears in my eyes and wonder if you wrote this after somehow infiltrating my brain. I often feel lonely and do need to work on knowing my gifts are special.

The main red ink I'd offer is watch where you put your apostrophes. In these cases, it goes where the missing letter is: doin' and mopin'. I figure some of the shortening is for rhythm. (I can't hear it myself) If possible though, try not to overdo the accent because it can make it too hard to read sometimes. Also be consistent. If you write doin without apostrophes, do it every time. Some spots you have it, others you don't, and sometimes it's in different places.

I think you did a great job of writing on topic. Poetry isn't my favorite genre, yet you pulled me in and spoke to my heart.
Bonnie Bowden 
04/21/16
Congratulations, Kathleen, on winning 2nd place in the Beginners category. I enjoyed the repetition and story you told within the poem.
C D Swanson 
04/21/16
Congrats~

Blessings~
Bill Price
04/22/16
Congrats! I told you this was good. I'll be watching for more.