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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SMEAR (03/10/16)
Tracy stared hollow-eyed at the dark streak of mascara across her cheekbone. Cover-Girl. No amount of make-up could “cover” the evidence of her shame. No concealer could hide the regret. The mirror said it all.

How had she let it go that far? When did her foot cross the path of no return?

“Come on, Tracy, just one hit. You’ll forget all about Sam. He’s a jerk anyway.”

The memory of Candace’s words washed over her. Sam was a jerk. He was selfish and rude and self-centered.

So why did it hurt so bad?

“Because you can’t even keep a jerk.” The whispered voice in her head had become a scream. She was pathetic. Worthless.

Visions of how her hand looked holding a joint assaulted her. Thumb and index finger tightly gripping the tiny misshapen cigarette. She couldn’t believe how easy it had been.

Tracy grabbed a washcloth and began to scrub the black streaks from her face. She continued to scrub long after her face was clean. Maybe if she scrubbed hard enough she could scrub away the memory.

She stared in the mirror, her face red and raw. The tears began to fall. Sobs wracked her shoulders. Sobs for the loss of Sam. Sobs for her loss of innocence.

Finally, when her well of tears ran dry, she headed for the kitchen. Food. Her other drug of choice. She pulled open the pantry and grabbed some chips. Opening them, she looked with disgust at the small amount in the bottom of the bag.

“It’s like me. It promises substance, but is mostly air.” She reached in and yanked out a chip, stuffing it in her face with a grunt. Cheesy goodness danced across her taste buds, medicating the emotional pain. Grabbing the remote, she flicked on the TV, further drowning out her inner accusations.

The shrill sound of the phone ringing made her jump. She looked at the caller I.D. -- Long, Jillian.

“Great. Jill. The last person I want to talk to. Jill, with her oh-so-perfect life. Jill, who NEVER does anything wrong. Perfect little Christian Jill.”

Tracy bit the side of her cheek in consternation. How could she be so snarky about one of her best friends? Any other day she would be snatching up the phone as if her life depended on it. But today, when it really mattered, she just let it ring.

“Hi! This is Tracy. Hope the Lord is blessing your day! Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” She didn’t recognize the voice on the machine. Who was that person?

“You are My daughter.” The voice was distant, but there. Tracy had encouraged so many people with words drawn from Scripture.

“You are loved! You have a purpose!”

The words flitted through her mind like sparrows in a bush. Did she really believe them? She had never understood why so many people fought against those words. They had always seemed so easy to believe before. Embarrassment over her lack of understanding caused her to cover her face with her hands.

She thought about the woman who “loved much because she had been forgiven much.” The Holy Spirit began to gently open her eyes. She had never considered her sins big or of much consequence. Of course God would accept her. She was good.

How could she have been so blind?

“Oh, God, forgive me. I’ve never seen my pride before now. I’ve cheapened your grace by believing I didn’t really need it. I’ve never understood how it feels to desire to be forgiven so badly, yet feel incapable of accepting that forgiveness.”

As she prayed, sweet peace began to rain softly on her wounded heart. She felt the Father’s forgiveness flow over her soul, taking with it the dark stain of sin and regret.

Yes, there would still be consequences for her weakness; her failure. She had damaged her reputation and God’s name. She would still have to face Candace. But God would be with her. He would walk with her through this valley.

Tracy tossed her chips aside, went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The smudges were gone from her face as well as her heart. The hint of a smile began to appear. The Good Shepherd had hit her over the head with his staff, then gently but firmly guided her back to the fold.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
03/17/16
Wow- I loved this!

Nicely done...

Blessings~
AnnMarie Givans
03/17/16
Nicely done.
We have all done things we are not proud of, but thanks be to Jesus-the shepherd gentle and lovingly pulls us back in.
God Bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/17/16
This is a powerful story. I especially liked the inner dialog. I know the devil really can use those voices to make us turn away. If it matters to us, it matters to God and you demonstrated that nicely. God speaks to us in many ways and using the phone was a creative way to show God's love for us.

It might just be me. I've been quite sick this week, so my brain is fuzzy, but I had a hard time following parts of it and had to reread it. I think what might have happened is you tried to pack in too much for the word count (I do that all the time). Maybe instead of touching on many things (break up, sex, joint, overeating) focus on one thing and expand on that. You also mentioned a few extra characters (Sam, Jill, Candace), which made it confusing too because you didn't have time to develop them. Instead, perhaps use inner dialog and more body language to paint the reader a picture. For example: Shivering, Tracy stared at the mirror. She hardly recognized the hollow-eyed reflection with mascara smudged across her cheekbones. Cover-Girl. Tah! No amount of makeup will ever camouflage my shame. No concealer can hide my regrets. Why did I let it go so far? I should've known better. She twisted the purity ring off her ring finger and hurled it at the reflection in the mirror. Crumpling to the floor, she screamed, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

I know I added some details, but I wanted to show you how to use body language to develop the character even more. You really did have a nice foundation (no make up pun intended), which allowed me to build the example. I could feel the MC's pain and wanted to reach out and comfort her. Your message is one most people can relate to. We all make mistakes and wish we could change things we've done. I think it was quite courageous to write about this topic. It's not easy to tackle, but you handled it discreetly, but still let the reader understand the power of guilt and regret. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. I think you did a nice job of writing on topic from the smeared makeup to the smudge sin leaves on our souls.


Bonnie Bowden 
03/17/16
I'm glad Tracy got to feel God's redemption. I thought this piece was well written overall, but maybe had too many conflicts and characters.
Sherry Brock
03/17/16
I enjoyed your story line- but agree parts were hard to follow.
Pat Small
03/18/16
I agree with others' comments that you tried to get too much and too many characters into too little space. However, I really enjoyed reading it and thought you presented a problem and a solution nicely.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
03/20/16
I liked the inner conflicts the MC was going through.I have the same problem of trying to fit everything into a story so I feel for your dilemna.The main theme seemed to be guilt over smoking the joint.

It is great th a t the MC felt forgiven at the ending. Keep writing and developing your writing.
David Guion
03/22/16
Very nicely done. I didn't get the sense that you tried to cram too many details into the story. Smoking the joint seems to have been a way to try to cover up guilt about other things. The MC seems to have spun out of control over time and needed the reminder of Jesus' love.

I would suggest, though, that you devote one editorial session to finding and replacing forms of "to be"--including but not limited to passive voice. If you look for them, you can nearly always find a better verb.
Bonnie Bowden 
03/24/16
Congratulations, Mindy, for placing 2nd place in the Beginner's category. I thought this entry was powerfully done.
Bonnie Bowden 
03/24/16
Sorry, I meant Windy.
C D Swanson 
03/24/16
Congrats!
Blessings~
Catherine Craig
03/24/16
Congrats!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/25/16
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 16 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards. Happy Dance. For you first entry too! Great job! Here is link for rankings:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=40039
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/25/16
It's interesting how experience and circumstances can impact how a person reads a story. I thought the line How'd she let it go that far meant that she let kissing turn into something like sex and the joint was a way to forget. I see others saw it differently. That's probably why I was confused. I read it today and sensed the guilt was more over the pot. The cool thing is this shows the Holy Spirit using your words to touch people in ways you may not even have meant! How cool is that? :)