Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: GRATE (11/19/15)
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TITLE: You will Not Be Crushed | Previous Challenge Entry
By Philip Aiyabei
11/23/15 -
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Now Elimelech, Naomi's husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband Ruth 1 :1-6 (NIV)
Having lost her husband and two sons Naomi had moved from the desert to the jungle, indeed she was at that point of hopelessness with no strength to carry on but Ruth came as a friend and companion who stood by her at that worst moment to a point when the life of Naomi changed for the better.
After my graduation I looked for a job for quite some time with no success, indeed I felt broken and completely crushed, I kept focusing on the resources my parents used for my degree ye it seemed nothing was not coming out it. I cried day and night asking God for an answer to the pain I was going through, at a point when I though God has kept silent, he came through and restored my broken spirit, he met both my physical and spiritual need to the full.
Yes he taught me to walk in faith, for when everything seems to be falling in around us, when the walls seems to be closing in on us, when everything looks completely hopeless, God reminded me that He gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. God is not ever taken by surprise, He is present to hear and save those who are his from calamity. Just hold on you will not be crushed neither will you be consumed; his mighty hand will always direct your steps.
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God bless~
Your story would have more readable if you would have double-spaced between paragraphs.
The other observation I made was that you had several run-on sentences. A run-on sentence is when you join two or more complete sentences with no punctuation or improper punctuation. For example: God is not ever taken b
For example: God is never taken by surprise; he is present to hear and save those that are his from calamity.
Also, I would cut out some words like indeed that do little to add anything to the story.
I see a lot of promise in your writing and just want to show you how to make it better.
You had quite a few words to spare; I would have liked to know even more about the circumstances that almost "crushed" you. In creative nonfiction, you can present those in a narrative fashion--give more details, even include dialogue. Anything that will keep a reader's eyes on your words is a plus.
I had a very difficult time discerning the topic of "grate" in your devotional. It could be inferred, but the idea of the Writing Challenge is to use the prompt more obviously than just an inference that's a bit of a stretch.
Your writing was heartfelt and full of grace, and I appreciated having read it.