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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME (don’t write about the song) (06/04/15)
''Oh dear, my master! What shall we do?" Gehazi asked, after sighting an army with horses and chariots studding the city.

"Don’t be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.’"

And Elisha prayed, "Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.’"Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all round Elisha.


Such wonder must have brought goose pimples to Gehazi's neck. And awe gets the better of me when I realise His angels are watching over me night and day. Being in the presence of Someone immense transcends my finite mind. What's more they're His angels.

I recall several years ago. I went swimming with my two daughters in a theme park swimming pool. At the centre was an inflated plastic ball. We climbed up the top using the dangling rope and then slid down the ball. Down, falling into the pool, splash, we went right onto the bottom of the pool. Quickly, we tried to come out of the water. Instantly, I realised something went amiss. My younger wasn't around- short of one girl! I plunged into the bottom of the pool, looking for her. Soon I caught sight of her, she looked like a cute well-behaved doll waiting for me to swoop her up. Everything happened so quickly that she went on playing and splashing water on other kids. We behaved as if everything was normal that day. Recently, I was curious to know what transpired when she sat at the bottom of the pool. But she kept it mum or replied," I can't remember it." God must have preserved her life or the angels could have shut the water out of her nostrils, making it a safe zone. It remains a mystery. I still can't figure out what happened to her when we came out of the pool. Up to now, it still puzzles me.


On reflection, It leads me to feelless self-centred, smaller and humbler being part of Someone greater. It evokes in me peace and joy to know His angels watching over me. I am in safe hands -He cares for me. Dead men tell no tales but I live to share my story.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Loni Bowden-Horn 
06/15/15
I really liked your story. I may have begun the story with your daughter being missing in the pool at the opening of the story instead of the chariot race. Guardian angels must have been with you during those traumatic minutes of searching for her.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/16/15
You did a nice job with both of these stories. I liked how you told a true life story. I can definitely relate to that feeling. I still wonder how my son manged to survive his childhood. He was fearless then, but God had great plans for my son. He's in the process of getting his MDiv. I'm sure God has great plans for your daughter too. My only red ink might be to have a transition line between the stories. Perhaps something like: Like Gehazi, I once was stunned and terrified of my situation. Although, you did use a transition paragraph that did connect the two, but I think another line might help the transition feel smoother. Your message is a great one. I especially enjoyed that you used a biblical story and a real one too. It's a great recipe for devotion writing. If you haven't submitted a devotional to FW daily devotion, I'd urge you to do so. You have a gift for it.
Jan Ackerson
06/17/15
I was moved by the swimming pool story, and by the sweet innocence of your daughter's reaction to the incident.

I feel as if this would be stronger if you wrote on either the swimming pool incident OR the biblical one. Perhaps you could expand on the swimming pool event--giving some background about the trip to the park, including an incident that happened just prior to the one you described, adding dialogue and sensory details. In short, creative nonfiction or first person narratives such as this one can benefit from some of the same things that make fiction compelling: action, conflict, character development, and the like.

If you wanted to make this into a devotional (or just a narrative with a take-away for the reader), you could then include the Elisha verses from the Bible and your conclusion about angels, gleaned from the pool incident and the scriptures.