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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Rage (violent, uncontrolled hatred and anger) (02/05/15)
First Brother's story.
In early time Eve had two sons.
One a farmer, the other a sheep herder.
They brought gifts to Creator God,
but Cain's gift was not accepted.
"An unjust law!" raged Cain so he ended Abel's life.

Second Brother's story.
We swore that he would pay for raping little sister.
May it never be said that she was not highly valued.
A plan was devised by brothers Simon and Levi.
They killed wicked Shechem and removed Dinah's shame.


Third Brother's story.
Sweet Tamar was forced by brother Amnon,
Now unwanted, he sent her away.
"We will hear of him no more." was Absalom's
decree.
Father David took no action.
They took revenge on wicked Amnon.

Fourth Brother's story.
"He stole my blessing. I'll kill him!" said Esau.
Brother Jacob fled faraway.
Time passed. Troubles came.
A changed man returned home to find himself forgiven.
T'was better then revenge!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/18/15
I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the four brothers. You did a nice job of showing the different ways to handle injustice. I think it's quite creative.

The red ink I have is minor. Make sure you reference where each story comes from, not only to credit it, but because I'm sure you'll pique many people's curiosity and they will want to read the Bible stories themselves, but might give up if they can't find them easily. The other is in the end you used then, but I think you meant than (an easy mistake to make).

I think you nailed the topic and I believe your way of presenting your story was fresh and creative. You held my attention from beginning get to end. I truly enjoyed this free verse. A little while ago, Jan did a lesson on her thread on Free verse. This week she is covering POV (point of view) and voice.
On the message boards, there is a thread called Jan's Writing Basics. I urge all levels of writers to read and participate in it. Jan is wonderful about leaving feedback for anyone who posts in the thread. It's one of the best learning tools the internet has to offer. If you haven't checked it out yet, here's the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67