Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)
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TITLE: The Introduction | Previous Challenge Entry
By cheryl schoenberger
05/11/10 -
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Her English class participated in a monthly writing contest with the winner acquiring three “no homework” passes. The students at St. Michael Elementary waited impatiently every month for the topic to be announced. She knew this innocent excitement was not for the love of writing, but strictly for the love of “no homework.” But that was ok; at least they were writing. Now the latest entries, “How to Get to Heaven” sat neatly in a stack awaiting her review.
“Hey, whose report is she on?” Jimmy whispered in Tonya’s ear as he leaned forward over his desk.
“Let’s see, she is on the third report, so that would make it… Maddy’s,” she whispered to Jimmy.
Jimmy made eye contact with Maddy and mouthed, “It’s yours,” from across the room.
Maddy’s eyes began to swell with tears as she watched her words drown in the red ink.
The word massacre continued for several minutes, as the red ink conquered the black on her entry, and Maddy retreated to the bathroom sobbing.
Tonya balled her fingers into a fist and belted Jimmy in the arm with all her might, “See what you did! Now Maddy’s all upset.”
“Oww, that hurt!” he yelled grimacing and rubbing his arm. “It’s just a contest, no big deal.”
The red pen temporarily stopped on Jimmy’s essay, as Mrs. Peabody’s beady eyes peered over her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose and exclaimed, “What is going on?”
“Maddy went to the bathroom. She was crying,” Jimmy volunteered.
“Ok Tonya, go and check on her please. I agreed to let you guys stay, but maybe I should dismiss you and just announce the winner tomorrow instead.”
“No, no Mrs. Peabody, let us stay. Please Mrs. Peabody,” the students pleaded.
“Ok then, no more interruptions,” she proclaimed as the red pen went back to work.
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“Maddy, come on out, it’s ok.”
“She hated my essay,” Maddy sobbed.
“No she didn’t. Mrs. Peabody just likes to use her red pen,” Tonya replied.
“I just wrote, (sniff, sniff) about all the good things, (sniff, sniff), you can do to make God smile (sniff, sniff) so you can get to heaven.”
“I’m sure it was a really nice paper,” Tonya said handing Maddy a Kleenex as she sat in the stall next to her. “I wrote to get to heaven you just need to believe Jesus died on the cross for you, like Sister Ann taught us. “Once Jesus is your friend,” Tonya continued, “You’re gonna want to do good things.”
“I heard about Jesus at school, but my parents don’t talk about Him,” Maddy said as she exited the door of her stall.
“He’s my best friend, I will be happy to introduce you to Him,” Tonya boasted.
“You will? Are you sure He would want to meet me?”
“I’m sure, Maddy, you’ll see.”
“Maddy, this is my friend Jesus, and Jesus this is my friend Maddy.”
“Where is He?” Maddy said looking all around the bathroom.
“He’s in here,” Tonya explained tapping her index finger gently on Maddy’s chest. “You can’t see Him, but you can feel Him. Can you feel how He loves you?”
Maddy closed her eyes and placed both hands over her heart and asked innocently, “Jesus, are you there? Can you please love me and be my friend too?”
“I feel Him Tonya! I feel Jesus in my heart! It’s like a warm, happy feeling, right? I love you Jesus!”
“Let’s go back to class ok?” Tonya said putting her arm around Maddy’s shoulder as they walked down the hall.
Mrs. Peabody stood with her arms folded and said, “It’s about time. I was about to come after you two.”
“Are you ok Maddy?” Mrs. Peabody asked with a concerned tone.
“I’m ok,” she said smiling at Tonya. “I made a new friend, Mrs. Peabody. Do you wanna hear about Him?”
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