The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/19/18
Wow! This is well written and well thought out. Doesn't sound like a beginner at all. Good job!
This story really grabbed me and brought tears to my eyes. Well done. I didn't actually believe her actions were rash, because I think many of us would have reacted to the injured animal the same way. The man' actions probably weren't rash either since that's how many others would also react, bringing out their hunter instinct, perhaps? For the structural side of things, be careful to re-read or read aloud. Your last sentence in the first paragraph repeats "no longer". Otherwise, it read very well.
04/20/18
Interacting with nature can be so amazing...how heart-breaking to have lost "your" bobcat, particularly as you were on the cusp of it trusting you. Very sad that your story ended so tragically. Lovely story - thank you.
The timing of this story reminds me how great God is. Just yesterday, I came upon a racoon flopping in the road. It broke my heart. I got out to try and help it, but soon it had died. I sat and cried over it. I couldn't understand how someone could hit an animal and just keep going. I couldn't tell it was a racoon until I was close. Your story reminds me that God cares and it restored my faith in humanity.
The only red ink I have is in your opening, I thought Jasmine was a character's name. It's a little thing but it stopped me and I had to reread. Just by switching Jasmine with fragrant yellow flowers would fix that. I think you did a fine job of writing on topic while delivering a powerful message. It also made me stop and think about the times where I think I'm doing the right thing, like the neighbor. A story is good when it makes the reader stop and think, and yours did just that more than once,
You used smells, sights and sounds through out your piece. You brought us quickly to the conflict where-up-on you took steps toward a resolution but was interrupted by the neighbor's action. This then created another conflict of what do I do now.

I though it was nicely thought out and writen.
04/26/18
Intriguing story.