Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: North (05/05/16)
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TITLE: The Nalukataq Festival | Previous Challenge Entry
By Christine Hammock
05/11/16 -
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Innugati, nicknamed Gati, lives in Barrow, Alaska the northern most city in the United States where the warmest temperature is about 35 degrees and the coldest minus 14 degrees. He’s an Inupiat Eskimo and has lived in Barrow all his life. His ancestors have occupied this region since 500 AD.
Come along. Gati invites you to join him and his friend John as they participate in the Nalukataq Festival.
“Hi, I’m Gati, short for Innugati that means friend. With me is my new friend John from the southern most city in the United States. He’s from Key West, Florida where the temperature stays around 70-75 degrees all year round.”
“Hi, I’m John. My parents read about the Nalukataq Festival in a vacation magazine and decided to vacation in Barrow.” Shivering, “Gati I don’t know why you like living in a place where the atmosphere is so cold.”
“John, I’ll tell you why. First, because I was born here; plus the Inupiat Eskimos have lived here for over 1500 years. You get used to the cold. It's natural when you grow up here.”
Gati and John walk side by side toward the area roped off for the festival.
“I glad you came; Nalukataq is our most exciting festival where there’s always a surprise. I notice you’re wearing a long warm coat, that’s good, because even in June the temperature never rises above 35 degrees and most of the activities are held outside,” Gati said.
“Gati your coat is really special. It’s decorated with different colored fur attached all over,” John said admiringly.
“Thank you, most Inupiat wear a festive decorated parka made from seal, caribou or fox to the festival. It’s a tradition to wear a new, specially decorated parka each year. Let’s hurry, they’re about to begin.”
Whispering, “They’re praying. The festival always starts with prayer. After success in hunting whale, everyone gives thanks to God. We believe God sends the whales north as a blessing. A whaling captain once told me the whale is a present from the Lord, a special gift from heaven,” said Gati.
“Gati, I believe God blesses all people whether you live in the north or the south.
“Let’s find a seat, in this first event the women serve hot soup made from goose and caribou,” Gati explains.
After they’re served, John slurps the soup and remarks, “This is really good; it’s warming me up.”
They walk toward the elders and take a seat as Gati explains what’s next, “The elders are telling whale hunting stories from the past. One storyteller always tells the story of ‘Jonah and the Whale.’ It’s the best; you’ll think you’re on an adventure.”
“Gati, those stories were fearsome, even the one about Jonah.”
“Look John, the Captain’s crew is passing out frozen whale meat and blubber. Every family in the community receives a portion. They’ll give us some to munch on too.”
Whaling captains are loved and respected because they graciously share their wealth with everyone.
“That’s a hammering noise, what are they constructing? John asked.
“They’re assembling the gear for the blanket toss. This is the most thrilling part of our celebration. Let’s go watch.”
“Is that large grey square the blanket?” John questioned.
“Yes, the blanket is sealskin sewn together in a square. The men tie ropes in the middle then attach the blanket between two poles. The ropes hold it taunt for the toss. Adults hold the sides. They’ll probably let us jump first,” Gati explains.
“It’s like a huge trampoline,” John’s voice trembles with eagerness. “Oh, this is exciting. I can’t wait. I hope they let kids jump first,” John’s enthusiasm emerges.
The Captain bellows, “All kids line up.”
John and Gati run where the Captain stands waiting.
“Okay, Gati you jump first to demonstrate how it’s done,” the Captain instructed.
Everyone shouted as Gati jumped higher and higher. Now it’s John’s time. Clapping started when John stepped on the blanket; he also jumped very high. Next the Captain officially starts the blanket toss by taking his place on the sealskin.
Gati yells, “This is the surprise. The fun starts now!”
The Captain jumps higher and higher then all of a sudden hard candy comes flying from his hands.
As they race to pick up candy, laughing and clapping their hands, John shouts, “This is great, I’m glad we came north for vacation.”
This could be a historical fiction story for children. Illustrated it could be an exciting scholastic book.
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In the seventh paragraph, it should read, "I'[m] glad ...
You need a comma after most introductory words, so it would be: Gati, your coat ..
Well done.
If you use present tense for speech or conversation, and wrap that in a past tense description of your attending the event, it would work even better.
I don't think you needed the opening paragraph. It's all telling. You really want to add body language and action (especially for a picture book). For example, I might start it like this:
Innugati shuffled over the snow. His giant snowshoes made a swooshing sound. Smiling, he held out his arms and embraced his new friend.
“Hi,I'm Innugati. It means friend, and you can call me Gati. You must be my new friend John from the southern most city in the United States,Key West, Florida, where the temperature stays around 70-75 degrees all year round.”
John hugged his new friend, who lived in the Northern most part of the United States. "Hi, I am John. My parents read about the Nalukataq Festival in a vacation magazine and decided to vacation in Barrow.”
John shivered and burrowed deeper into his parka.“Gati,how can you stand the cold?"
This is just an example to show you what I mean and how you could still introduce everything by showing. I also shortened some of the lines, especially for a picture book, it's important to keep it short.
You definitely did a great job of writing on topic. I thought it educational, unique, interesting and fun. I can't wait to read more of your stories.