The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/23/15
Your story had many thrilling moments to it. My main suggestion would be to double space between paragraphs.

Commas go inside the quotation marks. For example: "You better put that cigarette down and jump into that foxhole," the soldier shouted.

I see a lot of potential in your storytelling ability. I think it would be helpful to find a more advanced writer (Faithwriter) who could help you with editing.
08/27/15
Congratulations on your 1st place EC award, Sherry.

I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Congratulations on your first place finish in the beginner category. The characters came to life as you described the Battle at Bastogne. I may have started the opening paragraph by showing how cold the winter instead of telling. Such as, Bitter cold winds sliced through my body. I no longer had any feeling in my fingers or toes.

You have a gift as a storyteller. I hope to read more of your stories.
08/29/15
Nice job Sherry, I echo the other comments and congratulations on your 1st place win!