The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/12/12
This was more than a big let down. I was impressed with how you made Ken's determination and persistence alive.

False promises and big expectations is a recipe for disaster. The ending was flat but overall, an interesting read.
01/12/12
The first paragraph was a little hard to read with all the studdering that Ken did. I understand the emotion, but maybe watch being to jumpy in the future. Overall, I enjoyed the piece. Poor Ken!
I felt tricked into thinking that Ken was attempting to go on a date with someone he just met. The conversation at the front door seemed a bit confusing once I realized they knew each other.

Watch your punctuation! There was a sentence dying to be closed up with a period.

Keep writing!
01/13/12
As your title suggests,you approached the topic from an interesting angle - the lack of commitment. Your opening was descriptive and showed the inner emotions of Ken.
There are several rough edges. Ex. "Ken was in a tuxedo." Whenever you can eliminate a "was" or "is," do so.
"Ken wore a tuxedo" leaves no doubt as to word meaning.

Writing dialogue that flows easily and naturally comes with practice. Try to read other pieces, especially fiction to improve your skills in this area.

You managed to make Ken a very sympathetic character. I wish I could tell him, he's better without Beth.:-)
I really liked how you showed a lack of commitment can be so hurtful. I think you had a fresh approach to the topic.

You had a few little errors. At the end it should have been cried or sobbed(with 2 bs). I would have gone with sobbed as it paints more of a picture. Also when the woman came to the door I wished you had used a more descriptive verb like sauntered or rushed or stumbled. All three of these words show a woman came to the door but each one shows the way she made it to the door.

I liked the scene and the way you set it up. There is a valuable message for dating couples of all ages. Keep writing, my friend, and don't get discouraged. You are doing good.

I think you have a strong story here, and believeable characters. My main suggestion would be to have an experienced writer read your stories before submission, to point out improvements for grammar, syntax, word usage, etc. For example, your fist sentence is a run-on, which could become very powerful with minimal re-work. Work on tightening up your writing... you have very creative ideas.