The Official Writing Challenge
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This intense poem says a mouthful.
This well-written piece is very deep. I think it'll touch different people in different ways. Nice job.
You have painted a remarkable word picture of the crucifixion. I love your ability to flip our thinking with just a single word, like your line "Beaten, swollen, PEACEFUL eyes". The word 'peaceful' says so much about the depth of Christ's spirit. He was peaceful even when the entire was in chaos. Great job for your first entry. You will do well at FaithWriters. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Sorry for not proofing my own comment. I meant to say the entire world was in chaos.
Yes, I agree, some amazing word art of what many believe was a separation of the Father and Son and God turning His back while Jesus was on the cross I personally do not believe that, but believe Jesus was reciting Psalm 22 while on the cross, which is a prophesy of the anguish and picture of the crucifixion. I personally believe the Father never took His eyes off His beloved son! Many say the Father could not look upon sin, but He has and does look upon sin and judges it. Proverbs 15:3

But I tell you that my vision differs only to say this...I generally find it hard to grasp the depth of a vision I disagree with...yet, though our vision is different, I was pulled into the depths of your vision with your powerful words and I can only congratulate you on the incredible way you have woven your vision! I may not personally agree with your vision but I think you have done an outstanding job presenting it!
Congratulations on packing so much into so few words and keeping it so readable. You have real skill in communicating, and you will be a blessing to many.
Wow, this is so intense! I needed to read it more than once, and very slowly to really get the meanings of each line; this isn't a criticism though! You held my attention and I wanted to grasp what was being portrayed so powerfully. Well done.
I would never have guessed that this was a beginner level entry. Many pictures of the crucifixion have been painted with brush on canvas and with pen on paper. In looking at your work, my first observation was the flesh and blood left behind in the splinters of the cross. I could almost see myself touching that horrible plank of wood and wondering how many others met their death on that same cross. Thank God Jesus was not like all the others.

You did a wonderful job illustrating the war that raged that day from onset to victory. However, your descriptions were so elaborate and wrapped so intensely in painful passion that I had to read some lines over again to grasp what you were trying to say. When I backed up to re-read the line I lost the flow.

When compared to the other deeply dramatic descriptions in your writing, the term chronic forgetfulness almost pails in comparison. I was also uncertain about the phrase tooth-jagged rips in flesh. There were moments when I thought I was interpreting correctly but I must admit some of it might have gone right over the top my simple head.

Overall, I will keep this one in my favorites list because it is so unique. There is an obvious power behind your pen, something I like to call anointing. If this is just you beginning, wow is all I can say along with God bless you as your pursue the call on your life.