The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a powerful story. It has me in tears. Hurting people are out there, just moments from God, if we'll only open up with boldness and speak for Him. Thank you for the blessed reminder.
Wow! I hope Cybil responds positively to the message and to Ty. You packed a lot of suspense in this one, and right on topic.
I like how you used a modern thing like social networking to tell your story. Remember to write outnumbers less than ten. Your characters were interesting and we all have a past and with Jesus in our life we have a glorious future!
So well written how you wonderfully wove the characters back and forth, it was so realistic and an enjoyable read! Real life has so many unhappy endings, I am particle to stories with happy endings and this one had the best ending! Cybil and Ryan both saved from sins bondage and serving God! And this was perfectly on topic! Great job!
I really enjoyed this story, it came together very nicely.
First, I love your title! Second, your story is one of my favorites! I just love the way you shared it. I love the old woman on the bus and how you wrote, "between cantaluop and strawberries" her life was changed, precious! We are talking about being a woman of influence in Bible study and what a great example. I also liked Ryan's description that the streets are the devil. So true. Keep up the writing! Great work, well done!
Great story. I like that the dialogue feels real, particularly Ryan's.

Two teensy weensy things. When Ryan emailed Cybil and said he just wanted to say "I'm sorry", it seemed weird that it was in quotes. Maybe that's just me, cause stupid little things stand out to me!

When you include ellipses (...), you are technically supposed to have a space before and after. I have been known to ignore this rule in an effort to keep my word down down, but the judges could decide to mark you down on grammar for it, so keep it in mind. (I am a big fan of the ellipse, so I have checked proper usage!)

I thought it was nifty how you integrated social networking in your story and showed us how two broken lives separated, came to Christ and then back together ... only we are left to guess "how" together, really, which is kind of cool. Nice job!
CONGRATS EBONY!!! I knew you'd place high. :) Woo hoo!!!
I could think of several people in my life who would be open to the message in this article. I can see this story reaching broken places that are normally very well guarded in hurting people. I read it from start to finish without back tracking which is unusual for me. So I can't think of a single critque at this point other than where is chapter two of the story? Just kidding. I love it.