Humor

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The Jews
then murmured
at Him,
because
He said,
I am the
Bread
which came
down
from Heaven.
[John 6:41]
************************
"Lord?"

"What is it,
My most precious."

(Squint, suspiciously.)
"Uh, oh."
(Frown, and squint.)
"What did I do,
NOW?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"No, listen;
I gotta a FAVOR
to ask Ya."

[WISE NOD.]
"What is it now,
My most precious
kinder."

(Squint again,
up at ceiling.)
"YOU act like....
Ya KNOW what it
IS, ALREADY!"

[NOD.]

"HEY!
That's not FAIR!"

"Whom are you
speaking to,
child?"

"The One Who
LOVES me, and
is gonna GIVE
me, everything
I WANT?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"Yeah........
yeah, I know:
in my DREAMS!"

[LONG PAUSE.]
"Child,
you have yet to learn
Who I AM."

(Clueless squint.)
"Listen, anyway....
this stuff is like,
right in Your NEIGHBORHOOD!"

"Everything is
in My Neighborhood,
little one."

"RIGHT!
So, You'll have no
TROUBLE, with this!"

[WISE FROWN.]
"Hm, hm."

"WHAT?
I haven't SAID
anything, YET..........!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
[WISE NOD.]
"Go on."

(Clear throat.)
"All I want Ya to do....."

"Yes,
kinda'lah?"

(Squirm.)
(Take a sip of sugared
iced tea.)*
"Is......."

"Yes?"

(Squirm.)
(Take a bite out of
a Little Debbie Nut Brownie.)**
(Munch.)
"I want Ya take the word,
'JEW' out of........"

"Out of what,
My child."

(Munch.)
"Outta Y'ur Whole Book."

[SMILE.]
[NOD.]
"Ah.
I see."

"Aw!
COME on, LORD!"

[RUMBLE OFF IN THE
DISTANCE.]

"Haven't we had ENOUGH?"

[STERN, THOUGH
PATIENT GAZE.]
"Enough of what,
My precious."

"TSORIS!"***

[PATIENT SILENCE.]
[GAZE AT THE DWARF
PLANET, PLUTO.]

"WHY don't we stick
somebody ELSE,
in THERE, for a
CHANGE?"

[CLEAR THROAT.]
[EARTH RUMBLES
A LITTLE.]
"And, who would
you suggest,
little one?"

(Thoughtful squinting.)
(Sip some more sugary
iced tea.)
"How 'bout....
the KLINGONS?"

[PATIENT GAZE AT
THE SPACE STATION.]
[SOFT CHUCKLE.]

"EVERYBODY hates
THEM!"

[SIGH.]

"Well.....except for me;
remember, I had that
5-year-crush, on
Lieutenant WORF?"****

[NOD.]

(Squirm.)
"You KNEW about
THAT......?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Oy vey."
(Grimmace.)
"Well, anyhow,
so, are Ya gonna
DO it?"

"No."

"WHY NOT?
Just think;
it would sort'a
be like having
vegetable LASAGNA!
Ya KNOW!
It's JUST as GOOD,
LORD!"
(Peer hopefully up at
ceiling.)
Ya STILL got the
SAUCE!"

[NOD.]
"I understand,
My precious."
[LONG PAUSE.]
[GAZE ONCE MORE,
AT THE SPACE STATION.]
[GAZE BACK AT SASSY,
PRECOCIOUS CHILD.]
"But."
[PAUSE.]
"It doesn't have
the same Flavor
wihout
the Meat."
********************
Jesus
answered them,
Do not murmur
among yourselves.
No one
can come
to Me
unless the
Father
Who
sent Me
draws him.
[John 6:43-44]


_____________________
*The kind you buy in
the plastic bottles.
Author is too lazy,
to make her own.
**If you're ever in a
bad mood, just get a box
of those Little Debbie Nut
Brownies. It'll perk you,
right up. Actually, it's
more economical to buy 2.
***Yiddish: 'bad,
bad, BAD trouble'.
****In her past life,
Author was a
hopeless Trekkie.

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