Humor

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Liberals In Action?
©
by

Stephen A. Peterson

News anchor Peter Jennings, PBS reporter Gwen Ifil and an Army Ranger were traveling through the Iraqi desert on a late August afternoon in 2003 when without warning about 20 Iraqi members of the elite Republican Guard captured all three. They were tied up, slapped and led to a secret location somewhere in Baghdad where Saddam Hussein was hiding out

Saddam stated, “I’m very familiar with your American custom of granting condemned people a last wish. So before I have you killed, dismembered and fed to my prized Iraqi dogs, do you American pigs have any last requests?”

Peter Jennings said, “I’m really a Canadian so I’d like to have 6 pancakes drenched in Canadian maple syrup.”

“Okay, you stupid Christian pig!”, said Saddam, “Have all the pancakes you want!”

Jennings ate as many pancakes drenched in maple syrup he could tolerate and said, “Now I can die a happy camper! Thanks, brother Saddam!”

Gwen Ifil responded, “I’m one of the best news women, reporters anywhere in the world! I want to have set up my video recorder so that my Washington Week In Review viewers, colleagues and family can see that I was a great liberal reporter to the end!”

Saddam granted her her wish to video her final report to her American audience, colleagues and family.

“Now I can die and go to wherever! Thanks brother Saddam! You are a great man and a friend to humanity!”

Saddam then turned to the Army Ranger and said, “Now Mister Army Ranger, pig, coward! What is your last wish?”

The Army Ranger said, “Slap me in the face until my nose bleeds, kick me in the stomach and kick my behind”

“What?” responded Saddam, “Will you mock us and Allah on your last day on earth you miserable dog!”

“No! I’m not kidding,” said the Army Ranger. “I want you to slap me in the nose until it bleeds, kick me in the stomach, and kick my behind!”

So Saddam and the 20 Iraqi members of the elite Republic Guard slapped and kicked the Army Ranger and did as he requested. As one of his tormenters was kicking him, the Army Ranger tripped him, grabbed his AK 47 and within seconds shot and sprayed the members of the elite Republican Guard. In a flash, Iraqis were dead or hauling tail in every direction to include Saddam.

As the Army Ranger was untying Jennings and Ifil, they asked, “Say, why didn’t you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to beat the hell out of you?”

“What? Are you kidding?” said the Army Ranger, “And have you dad burn, crybaby, liberal knuckleheads call ME the aggressor?!*”

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