Humor

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Hi there! How are you? I’m privileged that you took the time to come to my seminar today. I would like to speak to you about a very important subject; (Brief pause.) Hmmm… Let’s see… Where did I put my notes??? Oh! There they are! (Pausing and looking up at the audience.) Oh! I’m sorry… Where was I??? Hmmm??? Oh yeah! What I would like to speak to you about this morning…is the importance of concentration and how it affects our lives. Having the gutsy determination to stay focused on our goals, dreams, and aspirations.

Concentration is very important if… Hmmm??? (Pause) I can’t remember where I put my pen? Darn it all! Where is that thing??? (Searching for pen, then looking up at the audience again.) Ooops!!! I did it again…didn’t I? (Little chuckle.) Sorry folks… Now let’s see??? Where was I? Oh! I know! (Brief pause.)

Concentration is very important if you want to stay focus on what you are doing. It is imperative that… (Interruption) Yes??? Did you say something? What??? No! I can’t do that right now. I will have to get back to you later. (Pausing to speak to someone who told him that he had a phone call.) Excuse me again for the interruption folks. I seem to keep being distracted with little petty things, and it’s causing me to lose my train of thought. Not sure why I can’t keep myself focused? All these distractions in life, really do affect our concentration. Don’t they? (Pause) Let’s start again. Shall we???

As I was saying… In order for us to achieve our goals and dreams in life, we must… (Crying baby) Uh??? Pardon me again folks. (Sigh…) Excuse me please??? Ma’am… Would you mind taking your baby out in the lobby? I’m really trying to concentrate on giving my speech to the audience here. (Pause) Excuse me ma’am??? Huh??? (Pause) Yes ma’am. You can get a copy of my notes at the end of the seminar. You won’t miss a thing… I promise!

Sigh… (Breathing deeply.) Folks… I really do apologize again. As you have clearly determined. Staying focused and concentrating on your desired accomplishments, is not as easy as it looks. Is it? Little and even not so little distractions, can pop up at the most inappropriate times and well… As you have just witnessed here… It will cause your course to go in a whole different direction, if not controlled. So, let’s continue… Shall we?

As hard as it might seem, we need to be deter… (Pause) Oh! Good grief!!! Not again… (Brief pause.) Ma’am??? Would you please take your son to the little boys room? It is very difficult for me to share with these dear, kind folks, whom have come such a long way to hear me speak; when your little Johnny is yellin’ at the top of his lungs…“Mama I gotta go pee!!!” It really is distracting! I’m sure your son is a fine boy? (Under his breath, he’s saying, “he’s fine and annoying”… Yet outwardly he’s putting on a phony smile.)

The little boys room is just across the hall. You won’t have to worry…it will be easy for you to pick up on my conversation, when you return. In fact you can get a copy of my notes at the end of my seminar, as well. (Pause) (He’s thinking… Sure it will be easy to pick up where I left off. Because of all the distractions, he will be on the same sentence when she gets back!) (Continuing…)

Thank you ma’am! I appreciate that! I love you too! (Pause) Okay now… The little boy’s room is just across the hall. (Mama and son get up and head for the auditorium doors, but gets a little confused and looks back towards the speaker.) That’s right ma’am…through those doors. You’ve got it! (Pause) Yes…right through those doors.

Moving along here folks… Goals and dreams will never be accomplished unless you concentrate on the steps you want to take to achiev… (Little Johnny comes back from the little boys room and is now hitting his little sister and causing her to cry. Speaker let’s out a BIG sigh…)

Oh… What’s the point??? (Softly chuckling…) Folks… It looks like even the speaker who’s suppose to be an “expert” on concentration…still struggles with this subject, too! Oh!!! What the heck!!! Let’s all break for lunch!!! In fact… I’m buying. Lunch is on me, everyone!


Written By: Teresa Trotter

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