Faith

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For truly,
I say to you,
if you have faith
as a grain
of mustard seed,
you will say to this
mountain,
'Move....!'
and it will move....
nothing will be
impossible
to you.
[Matthew 17:20-21]
***************************
"What's this about, Lord?"

"What, child."

"THIS!
This part about
the MOUNTAINS!"

[NOD.]
"Tell Me, child."

"Well.....I wanna
believe it, and all,
but...."

"But what."

"Well......I'm just speaking
from experience, Lord.
Does 52 YEARS count?"

"You're not that age
yet, My beloved."

"WELL.....about!
Just for argument sake,
let's just say..."

"No."

"HEY!
I'm not DONE, yet!
Listen...."

[PATIENT SMILE.]
"I'm listening."

(Frown.)
"Gosh, I can't even
remember what I was
gonna SAY.
(Squint.)
(Glasses slip down nose.)
Oh, yeah.
About this mountain business..."

[SMILE!]
"What about it, My precious?"

"It doesn't work.
I've tried it."

"Ah.
[PATIENT NOD.]
I see."

"Yeah; when I TELL mountains to 'Move!'
heck, they just get as big as VOLCANOES!
NOBODY's ever TOLD Ya that?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"NEVER?
Well, THAT'S weird.
Anyway, I just
thought somebody oughta
tell You. I mean, it's
a nice THOUGHT and
all, but...."

"What have I told you,
Mein kinder?"

"About You never bein' NICE?"

[NOD.]

"That's just an EXPRESSION,
Lord. Ya know, You really
should practice Your English,
more. All those years of
first Hebrew, and
then Latin....."

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]

"Anyhow, if You didn't
keep interrupting me,
I could finish what I
was SAYING: about
these darn MOUNTAINS!"

[SYMPATHETIC NOD.]
"Which ones, child?"

"ALL of them, Lord:
every single ONE!
This MOUNTAIN saying
DOESN'T WORK!
At least, not in MY
EXPERIENCE!"

"Stop yelling, child.
I can hear you."

"I DON'T THINK SO!
You never DID help me
find those GLASSES!
What about THEM?
THAT was a MOUNTAIN!"

[VERY PATIENT SILENCE.]

"And what about that
GAS BILL, tonight?
HUH?
WHAT ABOUT THAT?"

"Hush, child."

(Silence.)
(Pout.)
(Murmur in a whisper.)
"I still say it's a mountain."

[OMINOUS PAUSE.]
"I heard that."

(Pout.)
"I didn't say nothin."

"What is My Word
about, child?"

"MOUNTAINS!
And, I've got A TON of 'em!"

"I know, child.
And, what am I asking
you to do?"

"Stop drinking all this ROOTBEER?"

"What else."

"Eh......to continue buyin'
the cheap toilet paper,
so these low-flush, Texas
TOILETS of mine will
stop getting STOPPED UP?"

"And."

"Eh........not to worry so
much about the GAS PRICES:
That... ONE DAY ALL THESE
MILLIONAIRE OIL GUYS
ARE GONNA GET TOSSED
IN THE PIT?"

"Child.....!"

"Okay, OKAY!
Uh.....to have, well...I guess,
some more faith, Lord."

[FIRM NOD.]
"Yes."

"It's kinda like Heinz ketchup
on McDonalds French fries:
you can never have too much."

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Yes, My beloved.
[SMILE.]
That is one way...
of putting it."
*****************************
The kingdom of Heaven
is like a grain
of mustard seed
which a man took and
sowed in his field.
It is the smallest of all seeds,
but when it has grown
it is the greatest of shrubs...
so that birds of the air
come
and make nests
in its branches.
[Matthew 14:31-32]

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