Gospel

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(Author's note: If you're under 45, just
skip this one.)

The Kingdom of Heaven
may be compared to a man
who sowed good seed in
his field;
but while men were sleeping,
his enemy came
and sowed weeds
among the wheat.
[Matthew 13:24-25]
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"Hey, LORD?
I STILL can't rid of that
WEED, by my GARAGE!"

"Yes, My beloved."

"HEY, can You send
MICHAEL down, to
pull it OUT for ME?"

"No."

"Aw, come ON!"

"Child, what have I
warned you about, before?"

"Eh......(Squint.)
(Both pairs of glasses*
fall down nose.)
......not to count my CHICKENS,
before they've HATCHED?"

"No."

"That's good, cuz I've
never had a chicken,
anyway. Although, I LOVE
those little yellow marshmellow
chicks they've got at the
store around Easter......"

"Beloved!"

"Yeah, Lord?"

"Tell Me, child!"

"Eh......not to think of
angel Michael as my own
personal, eh......"

"Careful, child!"

"Yeah; You're right, Lord.
I forgot; this is a family
website.
(Frown.)
(Shrug.)
Anyhow, eh....not to think
of Your servants as my
own personal BUTLERS?"

"AND."

"Eh........to try to talk to
Ya, with some eh,
reverence, and eh,
like, more....
GROVELING & KNEELING?

"Oy vey es mir."

"Hey, LORD!
You know I CAN'T KNEEL!
Heck, I'd need a CRANE
to come pick ME UP!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"You still haven't told
me what to do about my garage
weed, Lord."

"Pull it."

"Oh, yeah!
RIGHT!
I thought we just TALKED
about my great KNEELING-PROFICIENCY!"

"I understand, My beloved."

"Yeah, well......if You'd made
me better put-together,
Lord, this whole conversation
would be UNNECESSARY."

"Ah, My child."

"Huh?"

"Think about what you
have just said!"

(Squint some more.)
(Push 2nd pair of glasses
back up on nose.)
"Ya mean, about the
yellow MARSHMELLOWS?"

[LAUGH!]
"No, My precious!"

"I DUNNO!
Hey, LORD? How come
that bleach didn't WORK?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"REMEMBER?
I poured a cup 'a BLEACH
on it? How come that
didn't WORK? I mean,
a week after that darn
weed got BLEACHED,
it just grew back up, AGAIN!
In FACT, it looked even
HEALTHIER, than BEFORE!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Think about what you
said, child."

(Squinty frown.)
(Sip of Walmart rootbeer.)
"I DUNNO, Lord!
What; Ya mean about me
being put together, like
You just had some left-over
CLAY, and You didn't know
what to do with it, so Ya
just smashed it all together,
and stuck it in the KILN?"

[NOD.]
"Yes, My beloved.
Yes."

"Hey, what HAPPENED to me,
anyhow, Lord? How come my
SISTER and BROTHER are so
smart and SUCCESFFUL? WHY?
Does the third KID get all
the WATERED-down GENES,
or WHAT?"

[GENTLE LAUGH.]
"No, My child.
No.
[PAUSE.]
It is because I said so."

(Scratch top of ditzy head.)
(Pull up old, worn out tennis
socks, that haven't been
near a tennis racket, since
1967.)
"Eh....so what'd Ya MEAN,
Lord? ....About this
conversation being UNNECESSARY?"

[MORE PATIENT NODDING.]
"Think, Mein kinder.
Think!"

(Sip some more rootbeer.)
(Scratch a cat behind its ears.)
(Turn on the radio. Turn it back off.)
"So......like, if I were all perfect,
and gorgeous, and rich, and
had a houseful of butlers and
MAIDS, and gardners,
and car washers, and ASSISTANT
gardner-WEED pullers......
I probably wouldn't
be HAVING this CONVERSATION
with You?"

[NOD!]

"Yeah......I guess so, Lord.
Still; You haven't told
me why I failed in my
bleach-experiment."

[CHUCKLE.]
"No es importante,
Mi'hijita!"

"HEY!
You speak SPANISH, too?"

[NOD.]
"I speak all tongues,
Mein kinder.
[PAUSE.]
If only my children
will hear Me."
****************************
His enemy came
and sowed weeds
among the wheat,
and went away.
So, when the plants came up
and bore grain,
then the weeds appeared also......
.....at harvest time,
I will tell the reapers,
Gather the weeds first,
and bind them in bundles
to be burned.
[Matthew 13:25-30]

____________________
*This is an over forty-five thing;
don't worry about it,
if you don't understand.

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