Gospel

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Jesus took with Him
Peter and James and John....
and led them up a
high mountain apart....
And behold,
there appeared to them
Moses and Elijah
talking with Him.
And Peter said to Jesus,
Lord it is well that
we are here;
if You wish,
I will make
three (altars) here:
one for You,
and one for Moses,
and one for Elijah.
[Matthew 17:1-5]
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"Lord, how did those guys
know it was Moses and
Elijah?"

"Who, child."

"Ya know: those guys....
the ones who followed Jesus up
the mountain, in the
New TESTAMENT?"

"Ah. Yes."

"Well? Nu?"

"Nu what, My beloved."

"Aw! Come ON!
You know what I'm talkin'
ABOUT!"

"Read My Word, child."

"Yeah, but I can't find it."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Can't Ya tell me where it IS?"

"Uh uh.
You gotta look for It,
for yourself."

(Frown.)
(Squint.)
(Make a face at the
air conditioning vent.)
"Ya know: the thing is,
Lord, even if Moses did
look just like Charlton Heston,
from 'The Ten Commandments',
how would PETER have known
THAT? I mean, HE never even SAW
the MOVIE!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"One thing I do know, Lord;
the real Moses wasn't that
handsome and muscular,
as Charlton Heston was.
Hey, maybe Moses was standing there,
carrying two big stone TABLETS!
Is THAT how Peter knew, Lord?"

"It is a Mystery, My child."

"And, who knows WHAT
Elijah looked like: some
long haired, white bearded
guy wearing a cotton ROBE?
Yeah, but everybody looked
like that in those days!"

[LAUGH!]

"The thing is, Lord,
the camera wasn't even
invented till like, the
1800's....so, Peter
couldn't have, liked,
seen any PICTURES of
them!"

"Very good, My child."

"So? What ABOUT Elijah: was
he sitting in
some fiery CHARIOT?"

[MORE CHUCKLE.]

"The thing is, in those
days they didn't have
any of those little
blue and white stickers
that say:

'HELLO!
MY NAME IS........!'

Unless, there was some
angel, floating over
everybody and carrying
a big sign that said:

'HEY, YOU GUYS!
THIS ONE IS MOSES!
AND THIS ONE's
ELIJAH!'"

[PATIENT SMILE.]

"See what I MEAN, Lord?
This whole scene doesn't
hold a lotta water, for me."

[PATIENT NOD.]
"I know, My precious."

"SO?"

"You must believe."

"Lord, I'm a kvetchy
Jewish lady, from northwest
Philadelphia; I'm very cynical,
and opinionated."

[LOVING NOD.]

"I just don't get it:
how'd they KNOW?"

"Because."

"What?.....Did Jesus turn
around, and say:

'Hey! Be quiet, you guys!
I'm talkin' to Moses
and Elijah, here!'

Ya know, Lord: somethin'
like that."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"I never liked Elijah,
anyway. I was always
scared of him."

"Why, My child."

"Well....cuz, at the Passover
Seder, he's always the
'ghost' that everybody
is waiting for - to come
back from the Great Beyond -
they even put a chair out
for him, at the Passover dinner
table - just in case he shows
up. They even have the youngest
kid run over, to open the front
door, to see if Elijah is there:
somethin' like that."

[NOD.]
"Why do they do that,
My beloved."

"Eh......cuz, the Jews are a little
MESHUGUNAH?"

[SMILE.]
"No."

"Eh.....I think, because they
are waiting for the Messiah
to come, and Elijah's
supposed to, like, be the
one to ANNOUNCE Him.
(Thoughtful squint.)
Something like that;
anyhow, You still haven't
answered my QUESTION."

"Yes. I have, child."

"HUH? I didn't hear
NOTHIN'!"

"You must believe, My beloved."

"Yeah.
(Frown up at vent.)
Okay.
I guess."

[SILENCE.]

(Silence.)

"STILL, it's all
very disappointing."

"What is, child?"

"Life."

"I understand, My precious."

(Sorrowful, kvetchy nod.)

"But remember, My precious."

"What's THAT, Lord?"

"I am with you."

"Yeah.
Okay.
(Sigh.)
I'll remember that."

"Eat some lunch, child."

"Yeah.
(More sighing.)
Okay."

[SMILE.]
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And He
was transfigured
before them,
and His face shone like the sun,
and His garments became
white as light.
[Matthew 17:2]

________________________
(Author's note: according to
Wikipedia, the first photograph
to be used in an advertisement
was in Philadephia, in 1843.
I know Wikipedia isn't a real
source, but I'm lazy.)

(P.S. Note: According to
FunTrivia.com, in 1839, a Frenchman
named Louis Daguerre made the first
'camera'. This is very disappointing
to me, since I thought everything
was invented in America.
Well, ketchup was! So there!)

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