Bible Studies

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"People think I'm boring,
Lord."

"Read My Word, child."

"Uh uh.
I don't feel like it.
I don't understand all
that stuff, anyway."

"Child....."

"I get the first page, but
after that, it's all
nuts."

"Child..."

"I like the part about
You creating the moon,
and the stars. Although,
I wish You had said something
about Pluto. I think Pluto's
gotten a bad rap, lately."

"Child, listen to Me..."

"But, this whole bit about
the apple; when I was a kid,
I THOUGHT the big sin
that Adam and Eve did,
was about SEX! Then, I grew
up, and found out it wasn't
that at ALL! That it was all
over some stupid APPLE!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Yes, My precious."

"No wonder a lotta people
don't like You, Lord.
(Squint.)
I mean, a couple teenage
kids eat a rotten apple,
and You curse humanity
for all TIME."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Well: it's TRUE!
Ain't it? I mean, what
kind of Garden was
that, anyway:
with talking serpents,
and evil trees,
and ominous threats,
and nasty angels carrying
big TORCHES?"

[PATIENT KINDNESS OF
A LOVING FATHER.]

"I mean, it kinda sounds
like one of those Grimm's Fairy
Tales, Lord. To be honest,
I'm gonna just spit
it out: Your Whole Book DOES!"

"Yes, My beloved."

"I'm sorry, Lord. I didn't
mean to hurt Your feelings;
You know I'm not like that,
in real life."

"Yes, child."
[SILENCE.]

(Silence.)
(Munch on Banquet Chinese
Dinner.)
(Sip bottled ice tea.)
(Give empty bowl to Pumpkin,
the black and white calico,
short-hair, sometimes-spraying,
Presdiential nominee.)

"Child?"

"Yeah, Lord?"
(Sip more tea.)
(Sneeze.)

"There's just one thing."

"What's that, Lord?"

"It ain't no tale."
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And, behold
I am coming soon.
[Revelation 22:7]

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