Bible Studies

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We have heard
of the pride of Moab,
how proud he was;
of his arrogance,
his pride,
and his insolence.
His boasts are false.
Therefore
let Moab wail,
let every one wail
for Moab.
Mourn,
utterly stricken,
for the raisin cakes
of Kir'hareseth.
[Isaiah 16: 6-7]
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"Lord, do You like
RAISIN CAKES?"

[LAUGH!]

"No; SERIOUSLY!
How come You're
always talking about
RAISIN CAKES?"

"Where, child?"

"Well......in this
muddy part
about Moab."

[SMILE.]

"I'm having a lotta
trouble with It, Lord:
my Isaiah homework.
(Frown.)
(Sip of rootbeer.)
It's way too LONG!
And GRIM!"

[SYMPATHETIC NOD.]

"And, there's
way too much POETRY!
I don't LIKE it!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"What is it about, child."

"Well......there's a lot
of stuff in here, about
tears, and weeping,
and wailing, and
moaning."

"Why, child?"

"Eh, it's probably
got somethin to
do with YOU?"

"Why, child."

"Well; the
only thing I definitely
know about You, Lord,
is that You REALLY
have this THING
about golden CALVES!"

[NOD.]
"Why, child?"

"Eh.....'cuz, they
take the place of
YOU?"

[NOD.]
"Why, My beloved?"

"Eh.....'cuz,
You're a JEALOUS
God?"

[NOD.]

"Yeah, but where
do the RAISINS
come in?"

[LAUGH!]

"I don't even LIKE
raisins, Lord!
Well... except for maybe
in an OATMEAL cookie
now and AGAIN!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"But that's about IT,
Lord! HONESTLY!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"But, Lord;
I'VE never had
a golden CALF!"

"Haven't you, My child?"

(Thoughtful silence.)
(More squinting.)
(Glasses fall down nose.)
(Sip of rootbeer.)
"Well.....that all depends
what You MEAN, Lord.
(Smile.)
I wouldn't mind having
a REAL calf!"

[LAUGH!]
"Maybe, someday
you will, child."

"Yeah; maybe that
could be one 'a
my REWARDS!"

"WHAT reward,
My precious."

"HUH? Well,
Ya know, Lord:
the Christians
are always talkin'
about gettin'
these REWARDS:
sorta like frequent
FLYER miles."

[CHUCKLE.]

"I never heard
the JEWS talk about
REWARDS, Lord.
They were just
happy when You
weren't payin'
any ATTENTION
to them, I think."

"Ah, I see.
And when was
that, My child?"

"NEVER?"

[NOD.]

(Laugh!)
"Hey, LORD?
Why don't Ya
start paying
attention
to somebody ELSE,
for a CHANGE?"

[STERN PAUSE.]
"I am."
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For the fields
of Heshbon languish
and the vine of Sibmah;
the lords of the nations
have struck down
its branches....
Therefore I weep
with the weeping
of Jazer......
I drench you
with my tears.
[Isaiah 16:8-9]

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(Author's note: 'Moab'
was a child from the
incestuous liason of
Lot, and one of
his daughters - after
they fled Sodom. The
children of Moab
proved to be rather
bothersome to the
Israelites, later on.)

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