World Affairs

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Behold,
Rebekah came out
with her water jar
on her shoulder;
and she went down
to the spring,
and drew.......
Drink, and I will
give your camels drink,
also.
[Genesis 24:45-46]
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"Have You heard the latest,
Lord?"

"What is it, child."

"About what President Bush
said today, on his solution
to America's losing battle
with his bosom buddies,
over at Evil Opec?"

[STERN FROWN.]

"Aw! Come on, Lord!
Don't be NAIVE!
You know the Bush family's
into OIL!"

"Child, Whom are you talking to?"

"But, LORD!
The Christians tell me I should
have an intimate relationship
with You. SO? Shouldn't I
be able to kibbitz with You
about ANYTHING?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Yes, child.
Go on."

"WELL? Have You
heard about the President's
latest solution to OPEC's, eh......
evil GLEE, about the
poor Americans using up
their grocery money at the
PUMPS?"

[VERY PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Yeah! I just heard about
it, on the radio. President Bush
says that all of us need to
put something else into our
gas tanks."

"Is that what he said,
My precious?"

"Eh....yeah, somthin' along those lines.
Anyhow, I came up with a
list of other things we
could use. Do Ya wanna
HEAR them?"

[ANOTHER PATIENT SIGH.]
"Go on, My precious."

"Okay. Well, Ya know,
I figure it's gotta be
something that can be
shoved into that little,
round hole of our gas tanks.
So, here goes:

Bananas (The old smashed,
and bruised ones will
work best.)
Cucumbers (You could also
use pickled ones. I
prefer Kosher Dills, myself.)
Small twigs
Kitty litter
(which could inserted
using a plastic funnel
from Walmart)
Shavings collected from
mowing your lawn
The salt from those
bags that folks use
to put into those worthless
water softener contraptions
Carrots (including the green
tip - it's known for
making your car run better)
Rice (I prefer Uncle Ben's,
but I guess any brand
will do)
Oatmeal (You can buy
those really huge bags
at SAMS.)
and lastly,
DIRTY kitty litter
(Hey, who knows?
Maybe, it has a sorta
fertilizing effect on
the life our cars? If
that doesn't work, you
could always offer it
to OPEC: maybe, they
use it to fertilize the
big lawns around their
mansions. Or....they
could always sprinkle
it on their steak dinners,
and into the glasses of
their finest champaigne.)

So, what d'Ya think, Lord?"

[FROWN.]
"Read My Word, child."

"I'm sorry, Lord.
I will.
I promise.
I just had to respond to
this latest gem from
our outgoing President.
I mean, what does HE care?
A few more months, and
he'll be going back to
his big, rich RANCH!"

"I understand your
fury, My beloved."

"Good, Lord!
I really like this new,
more intimate relationship
we're cultivating, Lord!"

[MORE PATIENT SIGHING.]

"Yes, My beloved."
[PAUSE.]
"But, that includes
something very important."

"WHAT, Lord?"

"Read My Word."
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He made him ride
on the high places
of the earth,
and he ate the produce
of the field;
and He made him suck
honey out of the rock,
and oil out of the
flinty rock.
[Deuteronomy 32:13]

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