Humor

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I survived another Thanksgiving with all the trimmings. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has outdone herself once again with our Thanksgiving dinner. I still do not know how she accomplishes this feat. Each year her dinner is more fabulous than the last.

Some one, and no names will be divulged here, suggested the reason each Thanksgiving dinner is better than the previous year’s, has a lot to do with my memory. This “nameless” person opined that my memory was so bad if I was served a sliced turkey sandwich I would have the same opinion.

You would think a person would take a compliment where they could find it in this compliment-challenged-era.

Regardless of the sentiments flying around our home, I still believe this Thanksgiving dinner was the best I have ever participated in.

The thing that makes any Thanksgiving dinner a success is the celebrated guest of honor. I’m referring of course, to Mr. Tom T. Turkey, D. D. (Delectably Delicious). What Thanksgiving would be proper without his presence?

Everybody knows the story that Benjamin Franklin wanted the Turkey to be the national bird instead of the Noble Eagle now embracing this position. How thankful we are that Mr. Franklin, successful in so many areas of his life, failed in this one. Imagine a Thanksgiving dinner if the guest of honor was some scrawny eagle. Eagle gravy does not even sound good to me.

It is my humble opinion that God ordained the Turkey to adorn the Thanksgiving table. Who am I to fool around with sovereignty? Among the many things I am thankful for around our Thanksgiving table is the wisdom of God in all things practical.

Thanksgiving without the Turkey would be like Christmas without Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Who would Santa get to guide his sleigh on those stormy Christmas Eves?

Maybe that is not a good comparison.

How about this one? Thanksgiving without the Turkey would be like a kiss without a squeeze. A kiss is good, but a kiss with a squeeze is far better.

Maybe I had better move along before I get into any deeper trouble. After all, it’s Thanksgiving, not Valentine’s Day.

At Thanksgiving time, there are many things to be thankful for. I am sure this list is all but infinite for most people. I have such a list and toward the top of my list is something I am truly thankful for this time of the year.

Toward the top of my list of things to be thankful for, I am thankful I am not a vegetarian.

I will suffer any vegetable, excluding broccoli, on my way to some nicely roasted turkey. Everybody knows that broccoli is not really a vegetable. It is a cross between a tree and a toadstool. Moreover, I get cross every time I see it on the table.

Let me say right here that I have nothing against people who are vegetarians. I have the greatest respect for those who choose such a lifestyle. After all, this is America and if someone chooses to be a vegetarian, not only do they have the right, but also they certainly have my blessing.

Personally, I am not a vegetarian. I do not think vegetables are all they are cooked up to be. A vegetable by any other name still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The only vegetable that I have any degree of respect for is the pumpkin. A nice slice of pumpkin pie is a worthy toast at the end of a delicious turkey dinner. And, if the turkey is up to its stuffing, two slices of pumpkin pie are in order.

Any turkey worth its gravy, in my opinion, deserves two slices of this delectable vegetable.

Now, let me repeat, there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian. In fact, I wish more people were vegetarians. I would support any politician who made one of their platform objectives to increase the population of vegetarians in this country. As long as they did not force their opinion on Yours Truly.

There are two basic reasons why I would like to see more vegetarians in our country. First, they could eat my share of vegetables.

In fact, I would insist that every Thanksgiving dinner where I am present at least one vegetarian should grace the table. I am not suggesting they sit next to me, which would be a little too much for me. But I would like them in close proximity so all my vegetables could be directed in their direction.

I would like this vegetarian to sit in relation to the direction the vegetable dishes are being passed around the table. It would be nice that all vegetable dishes would stop with them.

But there is a more important reason I am in favor of vegetarians. With a proliferation of vegetarians, it only goes to reason that there would be more turkey for me to eat at Thanksgiving time.

A passage in the Bible reminds me that the tenor of my life should be that of Thanksgiving. “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:4 - 6 (KJV).

Just as the turkey was made for carving, so my life was made for praising.

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