Humor

---

Recent research has revealed the value of certain food items in bringing comfort to people who consume them. Personally, I found this research quite enlightening, not to mention appetizing. Usually, I am a little slow to accept research. Somehow, this one was different and more to my taste.

I live for news like this. It is not often I can use modern research to support ancient notions of mine. Therefore, when things of this nature come along, I try to take advantage of it as much as possible.

I had to find the right time to announce it to the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. As in any great endeavor, timing is a crucial element in the husband-and-wife relationship.
It takes skill developed through many years of marital give-and-take to perfect this aspect of timing.

I am not prepared to say I have perfected the art, but I will say it is a work in progress. To wait for the right time to present something to my wife, which normally is contrary to her thinking, takes the patience of Job.

To say she is skeptical about things like this is like saying Michelangelo dabbled in painting. If she did not invent “skeptical thinking,” she sure has perfected it. Especially, I might say, in all things concerning Yours Truly.

Rarely do I have an opportunity to put one over on her, especially in the area of “my diet.” She has a very strict rule about my diet. Boiled down it says this; “If it tastes good, it’s not on my diet.”

I am not inferring here that she is not a good cook, for she is an excellent cook. She inherited her cookery wizardry from her mother. Her idea of a healthy meal, however, includes everything green to the exclusion of everything delectable.

By delectable, I mean anything with the main ingredient being chocolate. In my opinion, God gave chocolate to man to apologize for broccoli.

She is determined for me to outlive her, so the last few years of my life I will realize how essential she was to my life when she was alive. I have offered to call a truce on this by convincing her that I already know how important she is to my life. All she says to this is, “You just wait until I’m gone; then you’ll really know.”

I would give the last years of my life to win at least one argument with her, especially this one. I am thinking if I live long enough to outlive her, my taste buds will be so old they will not know the difference between spinach and a chocolate bar. And you know what they’ve been saying about spinach lately.

Then I ran across this newspaper article, “Eat yourself healthy – with Haagen-Dazs, Cognac, Eggs, Peanut Butter, Onions and more.”

As I delved into the article, it said these foods could slow aging, speed up weight loss and prevent illnesses like cancer, heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer’s.

It emphasized the fact that new research showed even more super foods that fight disease, slow down aging and improve your overall health. Reading that was like delving into a chocolate fudge sundae, not that I would, mind you.

However, one thing in particular caught my attention. “Dark chocolate may reduce hypertension.”

According to this article, dark chocolate is thought to improve the function of blood vessels. Just reading it made my blood pressure go up.

I now have proof positive that eating chocolate is good for my health. After all, how could my wife argue with the latest research? If she was as interested in my health as she says, she should accept this bit of news without question.

“Look at this, my Dear,” I cautiously said to her, “this newspaper article says eating chocolate is good for your health.” At this point, I looked at her and smiled one of those smiles husbands smile when they think they have the upper hand. (The emphasis here is on “they think” which everyone knows is an oxymoron.)

Without even looking in my direction she responded, “I catch you eating chocolate in this house and hypertension is the least of your worries.”

Now I have something new contributing to my hypertension. Although this bit of news was not printed in the newspaper, it came as a shock to me. Based on the newspaper article I had read and believing in the good nature of my dear wife, I had taken the liberty to buy a little stock of chocolate. Who knew?

After pondering this for a moment or two, I have come to an updated version, which says, “Eating chocolate in the dark may reduce hypertension.” What my wife does not know I am eating in the dark will not endanger my health.

I thought of several Bible passages to comfort me along these lines.

“For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.” (1 Timothy 6:7-8 KJV).

Although, food, especially comfort food, is important in daily living, it is not the most important thing in our life.

“For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” (Romans 14:17 KJV).

The only truly Comfort Food comes from the Word of God, which greatly reduces all tension in life.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE