Humor

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Larry sat alone on the park bench holding the small box on his lap. He had just finished work, and was meeting Bob at the new Chinese restaurant later for moo shu pork. Until then, however, our favorite Cucumber was left to sit and ponder the contents of the little wrapped box that Junior had left in his custody. So, he just sat there, turning the box over and over in his... just turning it over and over--wondering what the big secret was, and why he was made responsible for it.

“I can’t believe I have to carry this thing all the way to Mr. Chang’s!”, he mumbled. “It’s not my box! It isn’t even my color!” With a sigh, Larry placed the parcel next to him on the bench, and, as Larry is known to do, he began to daydream...

A long line of lamas lay licking their lips.
An overweight ostrich ordered onion omelets.
A venomous viper voted vehemently vying for victory.
An enormous elephant encounters an educated Elvis emulator

I am a cebu!
I am a cebu!
Not a cow--
Not a waterbuffelo...
I am a cebu!

The crowds flock around be--like geese! My mortal enemy, the cheeseburger, prepares for battle, as I fill my catsup and mustard bottles with...well...catsup and mustard! He lunges at me! I squirt him once, twice, three times a squirty! With one bite, I conquer my foe! Yummy!

Larry hit the ground, hard. He stood up confused and disoriented--and a little bruised. He had fallen (literally) asleep...and, upon looking at his watch, (his pocket watch) he realized he was late. Our green buddy rushed off to meet Bob at Mr. Chang’s, overlooking the box that was entrusted to him. It still lay on the bench where he had placed it, as he disappeared down the path.


Mr. Chang’s was crowded, but Bob waved... but Bob called Larry over. Being a celebrity has it’s perks, and Larry found himself sitting right next to the kitchen, under a leaky sprinkler. (Vegetables like that kind of treatment)

“Are you ready to do the moo shu?” Bob asked, excitedly.

“I think I’ll start with Moo Goo Gai Pan”, Larry responded, with a chuckle.

Just then, Junior came rushing in, pushing his way through the crowd--with his pointy, yellow-and-red-hat-clad, asparagus head. “Larry, Larry”, He breathed, frantically, “Where’s the box? It’s time for me to have it back!”

“Box? Box? I have no Box.”, Larry shouted over the noise.

“You know, the little box I let you hold for me. The one with the pretty blue wrapping paper--I need it...NOW.”

“OOOOHh! That box! Um, I lost it”

Junior jumped up on the table and leaned into Larry’s face, “What do you mean, you lost it?” He snarled, through gritted teeth.

“Um, hey, um, I’ll just get it! Um, I’ll be right back, OK?”

Larry slid his chair back across the room, knocking a gentleman into his Pu Pu Platter, and quickly made his exit as Junior lost his balance and fell to the floor--on his head! Although dazed, Bob could hear him mumbling, “I’ll get you, my pickle, and your little tooth, too!”


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Larry bounced out of Mr. Chang’s, and headed down the street towards the park. He wondered if the box would be right where he had left it--He wondered what Junior had put into the box that was so important to him--He wondered why that little asparagus wanted his tooth... He hopped over a bush, and into the park.

The sun had gone down while Larry was in Mr. Chang’s, so the park was extremely dark. “Too dark,” Larry mumbled, as he scrambled around in the bushes. “Ah Ha!”, he proclaimed as he untangled a wire from the bushes and plugged it into it’s outlet. “Someone has to talk to the stage hands about extension cords!”

The streetlights immediately came on, illuminating the park--and the bench, which, to Larry’s horror, was strune with tiny torn pieces of blue wrapping paper. Larry bounced forward to examine the scene. “Someone stole the box,”, Larry lisped. “This looks like a job for - - LarryBoy!”

“Oh, Yes, I’m here, Master Larry.” Alfred came scooting from offstage, and stopped in front of his employer--and friend. “Yes. I have your suit here, Master Larry. That unoccupied phone booth over there should make an excellent changing room.”

“Um, Alfred”

“Yes, Master Larry”

“Have you been following me around all day?”

“What? Oh, no, Master Larry...”

“Well, never mind, Alfred. Just give me my costume.”

“Oh, Yes, Sir.” He handed the purple and yellow duds to the cucumber, and then quickly sped off. “I’ll be back at the Larry cave if you need me! Ta ta!”

“Why does he yell like that whenever he brings me my LarryBoy outfit?” Larry groaned as he ducked down behind the bench, scanning the surroundings for passers by. After thoroughly convincing himself he was alone, he bounded over to the phone booth, squeezed through the doors, pulled the conveniently placed modesty screens, and, seconds later, burst out as -- LARRYBOY!

“Who has committed this dastardly deed”, he bellowed, “Who is responsible for the felonious perpetration of this protectionless parcel?” For a moment, our here stood silent. A cricket chirped. An owl hooted. “No answer, eh? It looks like this situation calls for a selfless, unswayable, lovable hero! Well, guess what, Bumbleburg? I AM THAT HERO!”

“Please, friend, don’t make such a scene.” The sly, somewhat familiar voice floated softly through the night air. A nameless scallion peaked out from amongst the bushes, as a tiny scrap of blue paper floated innocently to the ground beside him.

“Give yourself up, foul evildoer!” Larry demanded. “You and your crimes are no match for, LARR...”

“...Yes, yes, I know the routine,” The scallion interrupted, “but why do you accuse me of wrongdoing? I’m just resting here in the bushes eating blueberry poprocks!”

“Oh. I see”, Larry said, a bit embarrassed, noticing that the blue scrap that had fallen came from the poprock packaging. “So, you didn’t take the box that was left on the bench?”

“No, no, I didn’t--but I did see who did. Come over here and I will tell you.”

Larry crept over, and the scallion whispered the name into his plunger. Larry’s eyes widened, and, without another word, he stormed off--back towards Mr. Chang’s

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Darkness enveloped the back alley behind Mr. Chang’s Chinese Restaurant. Suddenly, from behind the dumpster, a loud POP was heard, followed, immediately by the shadow of a lone plunger and it’s trailing support wire. Up, up, and up it went, seeking a secure resting place to firmly attach itself. Up, and up...and then it hovered for just a moment, slowly arced, and went spiraling down.

“OUCH!” The muffled exclamation echoed through the darkness. “I think I missed”, the purple and yellow costumed cuke groaned, as he pulled his super suction ear off his face. “Maybe I’ll just use the fire escape!” He retracted his plunger, and made his way up onto Mr. Chang’s roof.

Through the skylight, he could see Bob at his table. Junior was still a bit dazed, but he was now sitting beside the tomato. They both had been joined by Junior’s dad. Mr. Lunt was taking their order, and one of the pea bus boys was clearing the table next to them.

LarryBoy summoned all his super strength, bounded up, and came crashing down through the skylight--landing in the middle of Bob’s table. “The deception you have purloined upon the unsuspecting cucumber. Larry, has been unmasked, evil-doer!”, he spouted and sprayed in Junior’s dad’s general direction.

Silence fell over the little group for several moments. Finally, Mr. Lunt regained his composure, and, looking up, he said, “You’re going to have to pay for that, you know.”

“Larry...” Bob began, still in shock, “What are you doing?”

“Larry is not here! It is I, LarryBoy! Here to right the wrong that was imposed upon the cucumber of which you speak”

“Um, Larry, we all know it’s you.” Bob said quietly.

Almost in unison, the entire restaurant nodded and grunted in affirmation.

LarryBoy fell back into a chair. He grew pale green as he asked, “What do you mean”. LarryBoy’s breathing quickened as he felt his secret identity slipping away. He rolled over onto the floor and began to sob uncontrollably.

Noone knew what to do. Finally, Junior jumped off his chair and went over to LarryBoy’s side. “Mr. LarryBoy”, he said shyly.

The cucumber lifted his cowled head and dried his eyes with the napkin that Junior was holding out to him

“I’m so sorry”, Junior continued. “When my dad and I were walking past the park, we found the box that I had trusted you--I mean Larry with, so we decided we should give him a lesson in responsibility.”

“So that’s why you took the box--and then pretended you were mad because I--I mean, he lost it?” LarryBoy asked, raising himself up a little

“Yes, sir. We never intended to cause all this trouble. I feel so bad”

LarryBoy bounced to his--to a standing position. “Fear not, citizen! This superhero holds no grudges against you! Larry has learned his lesson, I’m sure, and you have learned one, as well, I suspect.”

“Yes, I learned that we need to be honest with our friends, and tell them how we feel about the things they have done, instead of taking it upon ourselves to teach them a lesson” Junior said proudly

Junior’s dad stood up and put his--He stood up next to his son and said, “I think that’s a lesson we all learned today”

Pa Grape came out from the kitchen. “Now who gets the bill for all these damages?” he asked.

“Just give it to Mr. Vischer.” Bob said with a sly grin.

Everyone learned a lesson that day. Junior and his dad stopped trying to teach everyone a lesson by deception, Larry was much more trustworthy with other people’s possessions, Mr. Chang boarded up the skylight, and told LarryBoy to use the front door from now on, the nameless scallion stopped eating Poprocks because he heard something about Mikey and soda, and Bob decided to never eat out again!

...and they all lived happily ever after --at least until next time...

Oh, by the way, did you want to know what was in the box? It was a gift for Junior’s Dad--an Art Begotti coffee mug! How’s that for an ending???

©August, 2002
Matthew Imbody
Contact me at: [email protected]

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