Humor

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When Moses entered the tent,
the pillar of cloud would descend
and stand at the door of the tent,
and the Lord would speak with Moses.
[Exodus 33:9]
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"LORD."

"WHAT."

"I'm not yelling at You, Lord, this time.
I just want to vent."

"Ah, yes. It is time."

"Lord, was that a funny? Ha-ha!"
Anyhow, it IS about time I vented;
I haven't done it in.............."

"Two hours, precious."

"Gee, Lord! You're really in a good mood,
today! What happened, did one of Your angels
finally get his wings? Mozel tov, Lord!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Was that it? In the movies, they say that
angels have to earn their wings. I guess it's
a big deal, like a Bar Mitzvah, when one of them
finally gets'em, huh."

"Your Lord is not the movies, child."

"Praise the Lord!"

[SMILE.]

"Amen!"

"What is your vent, now, My precious."

"Well, I really don't like when folks talk to
me over their speaker phone. You don't do that,
do You, Lord?"

"I don't need to, child."

"Well, I hope not, Lord. To me, it just says that
I'm not important enough to be spoken to, by
regular phone-ear-way.
(Silence.)
I know, Lord; I'm too sensitive."

"Sensitivity is a strength, child."

"I don't see it that way, Lord.
My sensitivity has only hurt me!
If only I were like other people!
Why did You make me so sensitive, Lord?"

"Ah. So, now it is MY fault, beloved."

"Well, of course, Lord. Isn't everything?"

"Not at all."

"Oh, are we back to that apple, again, Lord?
Oy gah veld; is there nothing that doesn't
come to THAT, Lord? WHAT'S WITH THE APPLE?
ALL I HEAR ABOUT IS THIS APPLE!"

(SMILE.)

"Christians talk about the apple, a lot, Lord.
I never heard any of this apple talk from the Jews.
My family was more into potato salad."

[NOD.]

"I'm sorry, Lord. I know that whole apple
business is kind of a touchy subject. I still don't
understand why You put the apple tree in
that uchen vey Garden, in the first place."

"It is a long story, child."

"So, tell me about it, Lord! As long as You
promise not to tell me the story over that speaker-phone-thing."

"Read My Word, child.
Just read My Word."
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And they heard the sound of the Lord God
walking in the garden in the cool of the day,
and the man and his wife hid themselves
from the presence of the Lord God
among the trees of the garden.
But the Lord God called to the man,
and said to him,
Where are you?
[Genesis 2:8-9]

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