Grief

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"Father?"

"Yes, child?"

"I've really tried, but my anger is simmering,
again. What should I do?"

"Read My Word, beloved daughter."

"I don't want to. I'm mad at You."

"I know, My child."

"I can't help, but feel that....."

"That I could have stopped it?"

"Yes! They tell me that You are all powerful,
and all Mighty! Or, perhaps You are not!"

"Or perhaps, I am just cold and callous?"

"Oh, You have heard my thoughts. Well,
so what?"

"You don't mean that, My child."

"How can I be Your child? I am more
sensitive than You ever were!"

"And, Who made you, daughter?"

"I am my father's daughter!"

"And, Who made your father, child?"

"You did, Lord. You did! So, it is
all Your fault! I am just too angry.
Please, go! Get away from me!
Get away!"

"No."

"I really wish You'd leave. Don't You
have some better people to be talking to,
right now? Go, and talk to all those -
those normal people. Leave me alone!"

"You hide your face. And, you think that
I don't see you, child?"

"That's right. Go away."

"Let the tears come, child. That is what
I made them for. Their warmth will comfort
you."

"Go away." (Sob.)

"I am right here, precious child. I am not going
anywhere."

"Well, You certainly did, that night. Where
were You, then?"

"My arms were around him, child. As they
are about you, at this very moment."

"I don't believe it. I just don't see You
at his side, at all! I can't believe it!
It was all too cruel!"

"Not 'it', child. You mean that I was cruel."

"Yes. Yes! I do! You were cruel! You!"

"Are you hiding your tears from Me,
beloved? I want your tears, as well as
your pride."

"I'm allowed to have some pride, if I want!
Go away!"

"You don't mean that, precious one. You
are clinging to Me, in all of your anger."

"I am all worn out, Father. I love You,
and I am very angry at You." (Sob.)

"Go to sleep now, child. I am here."

"I feel battered. Yes, maybe I'll go
to sleep, now. I wish I had never heard
of the Yahrzeit. If only it had never existed!"

"It is there for a reason, My beloved."

"Yes, in memory of the anniversary of the dead.
It is sitting like a frozen rock in my heart.
Will it ever melt, like the Yahrzeit candle, in
synagogue?"

"If you turn away from Me, child, it will never
melt."

"Hm. Yes, I guess so. This discussion
isn't finished, though! Yeah, well, I guess
I'll go to sleep, now."

"Look at My Word, before you rest."

"Yeah, well.....okay. Here's something:

O, Lord, heal me
for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is sorely troubled!
[Psalm 6:2-3]

I also like that part, Lord, where
You tell Moses that You will hide him
in the cleft of a rock with Your hand;
only, I can't remember where it is."

"Ah, My beloved. Don't be afraid
to remember your father, for I am
always with you. I will be with you,
when the stars fall out of the sky."

"I love You, Father. Good night."

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