Faith

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[The author finds herself in Heaven. But, so far,
it's not what she expected, except for the fried
bologna sandwiches, and Ruffles. She's scared of
meeting her Lord and Savior. But, she's got a new
friend to help her through her newest dilemna - in
her eternal life.]
*************************************************

"Julie, I'm going to have to get a trash bag; there's
crumpled paper everywhere."

"Just leave it, Humphrey. I'll pick it up, later. Just when
I start thinking my good deeds list is off to a good start, I get writer's block.
Why don't you sit down, and take a load off?
Don't you guys ever sleep?"

"Not really. Didn't you read the book of Revelation,
Julie? In Heaven, there is no night. Sleeping is kind of like going swimming on Earth; it's fun, but not something you have
to do. I like to nap."

"Yeah, what kind of Heaven would it be, if you couldn't
take a nap. I've read parts of Revelation; it's pretty
scary. After a couple of minutes, you almost have to put it down. I'm actually starting to feel kind of woozy. [Yawn.] It could be all the TastyKakes, and popcorn; that buttered kind really gets to me. What do you think, Humphrey?"

"Hm.....I can't really say. Just toss all that paper off the
couch. You can give me that box of pencils. Here's one of your quilts, Julie.
I got it from your old place."

"Why, Humphrey! Thank you. That was really sweet of you!
Okay, maybe I'll take a snooze. Here, if you feel like it,
you can take a look at this. It's my best list so far. Sorry
about the ketchup stains. Ah, this couch feels good."

"[Yawn.] Is being sleepy contagious, Julie? Cuz now I feel the
same way. What's this part, 'walking dogs'? And, what's that
number beside it mean?"

"Huh? Uh, I'm just so sleepy, I can't keep my eyes open.
Oh, that. Well, when I was younger, I used to go to an
animal shelter every Saturday, and walk stray dogs. The '75'
stands for the number of points I thought it might be worth,
up here. See; here's the list:

'started reading the Bible - 50',
'sent Christmas ecards - 35',
'made up with a friend - 55',
'stopped cussing - 45',
'rescued x-number of kitties - 150',
'didn't get mad at the Christmas traffic - 15'
'kept a Bible next to my keyboard - 65', etc.
'stopped watching CNN - 25'
'sort of forgave my ex-husband - 350' ...............

Oh, did you bring the points list in, with the ketchup bottle? Just leave it on the coffee table; I'll take a look at it, when I get up. I'm surprised you didn't give that to me, first off. That points list is probably the most important thing, in here."

"Points list? You mean, sort of like a Heavenly inventory? Neah. The only thing I brought in with the ketchup bottle, were those extra jalapenos. I'm not sure if there are any points per deed, Julie. It's not up to us, anyway. Only Lord Jesus can judge you."

"Huh? No kidding. I definitely thought there'd be, like, a really specific
point-system. I heard that if you got an A+ as a Christian, they
give you this big, shiny crown. Is that true? Because, I don't really
want one. I think crowns are kinda of dopey looking. Plus,
those jewels are probably always falling out."

"Why would they fall out? [Yawn.] I don't understand?"

"Well, for one thing, the crown would always be tipping off your
head. Plus, pets and kids would be playing with it. I can
imagine this one kitten of mine knocking it off, and then, trying to bite
at the jewels. After a week of all that business, those big jewel bobs
would be a mess - they'd probably all end up behind the sofa, or
refrigerator, and all scratched up, you know? Eh. Forget it. You can
have my crown - or give it to charity, or something. Maybe, you guys
can sell it on Ebay. That's a thought."

"Ebay? I never had a thought like that."

"Oh, aren't you guys allowed to use the internet? The, um.....
you know.....is really kind of strict with everybody, isn't, uh.... He?"

"The........Who?"

"You know, uh......HIM. Him. You know."

"I know, Julie. But, do you?"

"Well, sure I do. You know, Humphrey. Uh....Him."

"Are you afraid to say His name, Julie?"

"Well, just between you and me, Humphrey, I used to."

"You used to? But, Julie, it seems like you still are."

"Oh, no! I'm very comfortable with it, now! Oh, no.
But, I USED to be. You know, in the past. But, it was
pretty understandable."

"Why? I mean, why were you scared to say His name?"

"Well, you know why, Humphrey. You know. Because.....
you know."

"No. Uh, uh."

"Well, my whole family's Jewish. We don't say His name.
Well, we say 'God', but ususally only if it's prefaced by
'Oh, my!', or 'Oh, I can't believe it!'. You know, something
like that. And, definitely not - Jesus. No, never."

"Yeah, I can see that. But, then when you saw Him - as
your Christ? What about then?"

"Hm. No. I was still very uncomfortable about it. His
name, to Jews, has always been a very sensitive word.
It wasn't easy for me to say, 'Jesus' out loud. I felt shy about it, as if I were knocking on a new neighbor's front door. Sometimes, I'd say 'Jesus' in a whisper, like when somebody else was praying at church. Then, I tentatively began to say it by myself. It was a long time, before I could put the two words together."

"Two words? Oh, you mean, "Jesus Christ"?"

"Oh, no. Well, that too. No, I mean, 'Lord......... Jesus'. That was
a really big leap for me." [Mumble.]

"Julie? Are you asleep?" [Yawn.]
*************************************
Thirty minutes or so pass. The room has become warm, and
quiet. The smell of burnt popcorn, and fried bologna fill the air.
A light breeze disturbs the still air as a door opens. An
inhuman and uncelestial Light fills the room. There's a
slight creaking sound, and the small click of a latch closing.
Footsteps crackle on pieces of crumpled-up paper lying here and
there. The footsteps stop beside the couch. A hand, leaning
down, gently caresses the sleeper's touseled hair. The hand is
terribly scarred, and ugly as sin. In the other equally scarred
hand, is an opened sheet of paper. At the top of the sheet,
are written the words, "Good stuff I did, as a Jew and a Christian -
in that order". Below the words, is a list of numbers, and
corresponding phrases.

The footsteps stop for a time. The crackling of paper,
as well as tender chuckling sounds, can be heard.
Then, the footsteps slowly move out of the room. The
door opens, and closes once more. The Light fades, though
not entirely, from the warm room.

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