Christian Living

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Larry Lilly’s Letter Monday July 17, 2006

In response to the famous Tide letter, the following came to me via an email from an old friend. To doubt the wisdom of it is to stick your head in the sand. For a man to learn from it shows a rare, fully orbed grasp of reality.

James Matthew Barrie wrote:

“Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that.”

Many men find a near rapturous joy in ‘putting down’ the wife of their youth, so much so that several statistical realities of life are obviously covered up, and this is dangerous.

Think about it.

The current population ratio in the United States is three women to each man. Several religions are trying to use this stat to have 3/1 marriage. At least one woman in each of these proposed marriages would strenuously object. If this idea catches on, by all means buy stock in Tide.

In addition, there are over four thousand men on death row for capital murder and less than one hundred women, thus proving to any thinking person that women on a percentage basis get away with murder 96% more often than men and if you factor in the 3/1 ratio the % is through the roof. I wonder just what part Liquid Tide plays in cleaning up these out of proportion figures?

Now that I think about it, many successful men have had at least an inkling of these figures and have, very wisely, paid homage to the Little Woman. Certainly with the advent of the Women’s Liberation Movement they have ceased to use such a demeaning term, even moving to such statements as, “Thank you, thank you very much, I could not have made it without the love, understanding and rich inheritance of Big Bertha here!” The size of Bertha should be considered prior to the above accolade.

Sometime ago I was riding along with a pastor and his wife during the daytime as I was preaching each evening in the church blessed by this ivory tower couple. During the trip he spent mile upon mile putting her down and for reasons known only to the Holy Ghost, he went ballistic about how marvelously successful he would be if she were a better wife. I cannot imagine any sane rational man thinking this, let alone saying it. If such a thing were true, you can bet the farm that God put her into his life to keep him from being an even more arrogant…We later shopped at Sam’s. (I get all the joy I can stand while traveling) While at Sam’s the hindering wife bought three, mind you, three, Brady Bunch size jugs of, you guessed it, Liquid Tide with bleach alternative. As Spurgeon would opine “Me thinks his demise is precariously near.”

As long as they make Liquid Tide with bleach alternative, I will in all of my sermons, always work in the absolute truth of the enormous part The Great Blonde has and is playing in my otherwise bland life, and publicly thank Jesus for such a wonderful gift.

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit and caution.

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