Christian Living

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Larry Lilly's Letter Friday July 14, 2006

After a particularly grueling Thursday I needed a little laugh and the gentle, kind and soft spoken Dr. Don Boys sent the following testimony that I found humorous, in the gallows sense of the term.

Tide Detergent Thank You Letter

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I have used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I'm in my 50's, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how stupid and clumsy I was, and in general started being a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of blood on my white blouse. I tried getting the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of Liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I want to thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people, another wonderful product.

Sincerely,

A Happy Customer

Having corresponded now for near a decade with women on Death Row, I have taken to being much gentler with the wife of my youth. She is such a tender, understanding and at least on the surface a harmless soul, that I rather enjoy the deep friendship we have developed along with our marriage. It is one of the benefits of growing older together. So many couples our age are plain grouches toward one another.

In true humility I take full credit for the bliss of our wedded years. While I surely love the girl whom I affectionately call The Great Blonde, I often look at her with eyes of liquid love, I know 'liquid love' is goofy, I do so with the full empirical evidence that just under that glorious, ivory covering lurks the heart of a fully savage beast ready, almost anxious to do as the lady in our testimonial to Tide and write yet another letter of the miraculous properties of the soap. Every bully husband, or even boyfriend should read the "Tide" letter and take the message to heart and learn to love his sweetie as Christ loved the Church. You just never know.

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit.

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