Grief

The Destruction That Accompanies Folly

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
10/07/25
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“When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly.”

(Esther 4:1)

Mordecai wept for the impending demise of a nation, just like most God-fearing people are grieving for our nations (the nations of the world we exist in today). Similarly, many husbands and wives are grieving the impending demise of their marriages and family dynamics today.

Looking back on how unprepared for the marriage my husband and I were, and the negative consequences we now suffer, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. Reading of Mordecai’s grief and the practical way in which it was displayed brought Ecclesiastes chapter 3 to mind: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: …a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...” 

As I read about Mordecai’s grieving, through the lens of my current challenges, I felt as if I was being permitted to grieve the loss of the marriage. I anticipated our marriage would just naturally evolve into something beautiful and God-honouring. When it didn’t match the imprint on my heart, I became disillusioned, and discouragement sat with me for a long time after what I hoped would correct itself failed again and again. I needed to surrender to God’s will and stop trying in my own self-will.   

Although I had no thought-out plans, I am grieving the marriage I anticipated but did not experience. God designed us with eternity in our hearts (Eccl. 3:11). I believe it's from that same place where the expectation (of that beautiful marriage we envisage) comes from when we stand at the altar and say, ‘I do’ and ‘I will’ to each other.

I came to the understanding that although I have what many consider a ‘good marriage,’ like I believe my Grandparents had, I still desire to have one that thrives and will be a legacy for my offspring. After 25 years of trying to figure out what marriage is and should look like, I am now aware and have accepted that I do not have a thriving marriage. I have also reluctantly acknowledged the fact that I may never experience that kind of marriage.

That’s a hard pill to swallow, after 25 years of hoping and praying for a turnaround; seeking help from various avenues; reading books, watching videos; attending various counselling sessions; sitting in seminars, attending workshops, completing online courses; listening to marriage podcasts, and other resources. We also sat with pastors on numerous occasions, only to now (in this season) find out that we were simply trying to deal with symptoms. How disappointing!

Missing the root of the problem meant that we simply could not get the correct advice. That left us trapped in a very destructive cycle which the Bible says won’t come out except through fasting and praying. It’s a spiritual battle! “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10a. I was also reminded during August (as I went through Ephesians chapter 6) that: “...our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Nevertheless, I have hope that one day things will turn around for our good; the good of the next generation, and for God’s glory. For those reasons, I am encouraging myself and all married couples reading this article with Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Continues in Permission To Shine The Light Placed Inside of Us