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by Lauren Alan
08/01/25
For Sale
Author requests article critique

When they got back to their cabin, Neil checked on Lizzie's arm again. It had bruised and was now purple in the part of the arm on which she has landed. Neil's heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces when he saw what how mother had done. He felt like it was his fault, because he had taken his daughter to his mother's house. I should have just confronted Mom about the credit card over the phone, he thought to himself. Instead, I chose to go to her house in person. I had no choice but to take Lizzie with me when I went to Mom's house, even though Mom hasn't warmed up to either me or Lizzie, and now Lizzie is hurt!

Neil sighed as he searched the freezer for some ice. When he found an ice pack, he handed it to Lizzie and gently told her to keep it on her arm for a while. "It'll make the owie go away," he said quietly. Stroking her hair, he asked, "How does your arm feel, sweetheart?"

Lizzie shrugged. "It still hurts a little, but not like before."

Neil pressed his lips to her forehead. "It'll hurt for a little while, but it'll be all better before you know it."

"Thank you, Daddy."

Later that night after Lizzie has gone to bed, Neil changed into the flannel pajamas with buttons and a V-neck collar, which his wife had gotten him for their last Christmas together the year before. He then wrapped himself in his black bathrobe and sat in front of the fireplace. Very soon, tears came to his eyes. Trembling, he put his head in his hands. "Oh, God," he prayed, "I wanted this to be a nice Christmas for my daughter, to do something to make this Christmas very special for her, but Mom isn't open to me or Lizzie, and Lizzie got hurt! Sometimes I miss my wife so much that it feels like I can't even breathe!"

While he was still sobbing, Lizzie came out of her room. "You didn't ruin Christmas for me," she said. "I'm happy just being with you, Daddy. I love it when we play in the snow and sing Christmas songs and you read to me about Jesus."

Neil felt his heart warm at her words. He pulled his daughter close, settled her on his lap, and kissed her forehead. "I love you so much, sweetheart," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Daddy," Lizzie said, giving him a big hug with her good arm.

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02 Aug 2025

Although there are a couple of typos, your story is engaging. I'm going to read the other chapters too.

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