Grief

The Battle With Grief

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
07/18/24
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"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" (James 4:1)

Grief looks different to each person who grows up without a father present and actively involved in their lives. Even when we look like we’ve got it all together, we are battling grief in one form or another.

If, as a child, no counselling took place and no loving, caring adult helped you process that loss and deal with the reality of living without the love of a mother and/ or a father, then often the pain is hidden because the grief is suppressed. As a result, society is left with boys and girls who grow up not knowing who they are and what they have to offer to society.

Those young men and women then travel through life without purpose and seeking validation everywhere other than where they should be looking (i.e to present and responsible parents).

The greatest damage comes to the male gender. Society is left with angry boys who grow up physically but unable to operate effectively as men, fathers and husbands. They are unaware of their leadership roles and therefore neglect their responsibilities.

Some males who are aware of their roles/leadership responsibilities are often unprepared for the challenges ahead. They have no point of reference as they grew up without a father or a father-figure to learn from. They lack the discipleship that would prepare them for life.

The anger they travel with gets in the way of them developing into fully comprehensive men who become effective leaders in their homes, at work or in society at large. The damage continues as the cycle repeats, when they become fathers. They are not aware that they are grieving the loss of their childhood or the physical or emotional presence of their fathers.

Imagine for a moment the coming together of such a male and such a female (two physically grown male and female with no training) to form a union and create a family. That is a recipe for disaster. Only with the leading of The Holy Spirit can they have a chance of a successful marriage and a home where their child/ren can have a healthy environment in which to thrive. For that to happen, they must submit their will to The Father’s will (Jn. 6:40; 14:6; Rom. 10:9-11; Rev. 3:20) for their lives, and be led by His Spirit (see 1 Jn. 2:27 (my experience through parenting and this grieving process).

Outside of that, they will not be aware of what causes the fights and quarrels among them. They won’t know that they come from the desires that battle within them (James 4:1-4) and they will continue on the destructive path, going on what Dr. Emerson Eggerichs calls, ‘The Crazy Cycle’. Unless they become aware and gain the tools to help them communicate well and deal with conflict in a healthy way, eventually, it will destroy their relationship.

End of part 4.

Continue reading Part 5 ~ Disappointed In The Way The Church Avoids The Topic of Sex