Grief

Physical Response To My Grieving

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
06/22/24
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(John 14:18, NIV).

My body began to shutdown and my days began to roll into one. I stopped everything so I could survive and I only had energy to take care of breakfast, lunch and dinner. To keep my mind busy, I would rearrange the furniture, do research on an area of need and go for evening walks.


Removing myself from community and deciding that was the best way to maintain my peace was probably the best thing I could do, at the time. That’s because there was no practical program available to help people like me walk through seasons of grief. 


It was through that time of grieving that I was able to see the ugliness which became my prison. I was trapped in a cycle of complaining. Underneath the complaining was anger. The anger resulted from the  disappointment of not being able to live a fulfilled life because of the years spent in sadness for something I had nothing to do with. I was left to grieve alone and a self-destructing process began, without my awareness. 


I couldn't  see a way forward. How could I return to the place where I felt most rejected, knowing that nothing had changed?  So, I thought: since childhood, I've been hearing, "Time heals." I thought, okay, I'll take some time away from community; heal from the brokenness and then, I'll return. But I found out that too was a lie, time does not heal.


I am still operating out of my pain/ brokenness. None of my pain or disappointment, anger and frustration for the injustice have been validated or acknowledged as such. I have not and may never receive an apology but there's  almost a surety that someone will exhort me, as a caution to my angry, frustrated, feelings, to 'forgive'.


No one, it seems, is equipped to deal with their own grief nor have the capacity to listen to a hurting soul and help to restore hope. Therefore, I set out to educate myself so that I can one day experience healing.

Continue reading article in part 5 ~ What I Found Through My Reflection