Grief

Labelling My Pain

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
06/22/24
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(John 14:18, NIV).

As a child, I had no way of labelling my pain or the emotions I felt. I had no way of knowing why I did the things I did. But as an adult I am now able to research, learn about, and label my feelings. I am also able to share how I feel talking to God and my husband.  Due to a lack of grief recovery plan of action within the communities I've been part of, I was left to self-destruct. But thanks be to God, I was never alone (Matt. 28:20). He promised never to leave me nor forsake me (Heb. 13:5) and to teach me by His Spirit (1 Jn. 2:27, Jn. 14:26). He promised to 'take me up' when mother and father forsake me (Ps. 27:10) and He did!


He continues to provide for my needs (Ps. 23:1) through the wider church. I now have access to sermons, podcasts, discussion forums and other resources where I am able to get the help I need and I am beginning to see areas of healing. 


Prior to my recent discovery, of helpful resources, there were people seeing the symptoms of the pain and trying to correct rather than comfort. Instead of teaching me something I hadn't been taught, I was being rebuked /chastised. You are expected to be in the know as an adult. But that is one of the pain of fatherlessness/ being without parents. I didn't experience the grace I anticipated from the church community because they assumed I had it all together. The veil of my childhood had been removed and it was now clear that I was living in a cold and loveless world.


A greater portion of my discovery came, over the last four years (2020 - 2024) with a greater intensity over the past two years.  A unique opportunity was presented by the series of Lockdown. The removal of the 'busyness' of 'doing life' created space to be still (Ps. 46:10).


In that stillness, I was able to process my thoughts and soon realised that I was actually dealing with unprocessed grief. It became complicated when I had to put my grieving on hold, again. This time it was to provide comfort and support to my husband who had just lost his father days after the identity of my birth father was revealed to me by my mother. I had just spent months going through an emotional roller-coaster dealing with my mother's hospitalisation from diabetic complications and two types of cancer diagnosis. I did not have the capacity to cope with or process another sad news.

Continue reading article in part 4 ~ Physical Response To My Grieving