Grief

Grief Is A Process

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
06/22/24
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“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you”

(John 14:18, NIV).

Knowing I belong to the body of Christ, I knew that help was within the church. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be in reach. I could not access the help I needed. I knew I had to speak out but when I eventually began speaking about my pain it was often met with cynicism, contempt and judgement. It compounded the grief.


For that reason, I came into a new relationship with the church. I was now on the outside of healing, showing up week after week and going home with less hope of receiving that which my life lacked. I was screaming for help in all the right places but help was out of reach and I began to lose hope in ever finding the help I needed.


Upon this realisation, I had travelled through 4 decades of dealing with loss, having moved from my home church in one country to another and moving from church to church, community to community (two counties and six churches so far); two and a half decades of trying to do life with another human being, in marriage; and two decades of parenting. It has been bittersweet journeying through life without the support of extended family (including my spiritual family).


Grief is not something we talk about as a topic of discussion. We weren't given the tools to deal with grief. We often grow up not seeing grief handled well, so when grief knocks at our door, anxiety can sometimes cripple us while trying to ignore the knock. When we finally accept that grief has come to visit and open the door to let grief sit with us for awhile, we find that we don't know what to do with grief.


Grief is part of our existence in this broken world. However, very few of us have a good model for grieving well. Grief came to visit and I didn't have a choice in the matter. I was experiencing the consequences attached to being born out of wedlock and growing up without a present and actively involved mother and father. My grief, with regards to my parents wasn’t attached to a physical death, so there was no validation of my pain. There was no empathy for me as a child without parents or as an adult who grew up without certain foundational blocks in place.

Continue reading article in part 3 ~ Labelling My Pain