Grief

God Did Not Leave Me As An Orphan

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
06/22/24
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June 11, 2024 marked twenty-four (24) years and three (3) months of married life. I was reflecting on Father’s Day approaching and the journey I’ve been on to this point. It would be the first Father’s Day (having known for a year now, the facts about who my birth father is) that I would be celebrating Father's Day with a better understanding of fatherhood. I wasn’t sure how Father’s Day would affect me or impact the way we celebrated Father’s Day.


I thought about the challenges we faced in our marriage over the two decades, most of which was based on our families of origin and the presence or lack thereof of a father. I have nothing to say outside stating that without God's grace, His principles used for knowledge and His Spirit guiding, we would not still be a married couple today.


My reflection on Father’s Day approaching ignited the praise and a heart of gratitude for those whom God had placed in my life to stand in the gap.


My gratitude extends to my maternal grandparents who became my caretakers from 6 weeks old (Mum told me) through to my 16th year. During those 16 years, the local Baptist church (where my grandparents were active members of the church community, grandad also serving on the leadership board) became my extended family, alongside the local Anglican church-school.


From teachers to youth leaders, the love of God was extended towards me. I was later served by the Catholic community through the high school I attended. All three communities continued the work my grandparents started.


I learned Scriptures and Bible stories that would later bring understanding to what I was experiencing through life. Character building was taking place. Prayer muscles were being built and I was given opportunities to serve at home and within my community.


My 17th year was, however, the start of a journey I can best describe as chaotic, directionless, stormy, confusing, challenging and lacking support. It was also the beginning of movement and isolation. It left me feeling an overwhelming sadness from one disappointment to the next.


That resulted in frustration from lack of support and understanding and eventually complaints from unmet needs. Dreams began to die, and slowly, discouragement seeped into my very soul. Loneliness set in and I was emotionally exhausted. I became isolated within community.


I was in full grief mode but I  didn't know it and no one knew me well enough to recognise that something was out of order. Instead of the help I needed to grieve the losses I was enduring, there were silence or bandaid treatment given -- a Scripture to plaster over the pain. Instead of the rest needed, I was given more work to keep me busy and distracted from dealing with the grief. 

Continue reading article in part 2 ~ Grief Is A Process