Grief

Olivia's Heartbeat Part 1

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
10/15/23
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Olivia's heartbeat could no longer be heard and I didn't know what to do with the news. Sitting in the hospital confused, unsure of what that meant for me as a woman, and what the future held, I simply followed my husband’s lead.

He dealt with the requests of the medical staff and I simply signed where I needed to sign and waited to be called into the consultation room again. The only words I remembered being spoken was, “I’m sorry, but there is no heartbeat.”

I was given various leaflets but I couldn’t process anything being read. A conversation was had with the medical staff but nothing was retained. Miscarriage wasn’t a word known to me before then. It wasn’t something anyone talked about either so it was difficult to comprehend. I was confused. I didn’t know that being pregnant had any alternative but to end with a baby in my arms. So there wasn’t a conversation about me losing our unborn baby.

I am glad that today, there are resources freely available to provide education, bereavement counselling and practical assistance to bereaved parents and their families. Grieving the loss of a baby we didn’t bring to full-term was not encouraged. The parents’ loss weren’t always acknowledged as bereavement. Therefore, they weren’t seen as bereaved parents. Consequently, resources were not readily available for such parents and they often suffered in silence.

Not having extended family members to share with and glean from, I am grateful for people who understand the pain couples and families endure when they experience miscarriages, stillbirths and other forms of baby losses, who are willing to share their stories and volunteer (as ‘Befrienders’ ) to help bring comfort and make others aware that they are not alone and point them to resources to help on the journey.

We are now able to embrace the season of grieving, due to the work of organisations like Sands, Tommy’s, Stand-By-Me and Aching Arms and initiatives such as ‘Baby Loss Awareness Week’ helping us to make sense of the loss, finding a place of solace in order to take that next step in moving forward.

Olivia introduced me to motherhood but no mother is ever prepared to say goodbye before or after giving birth to the child she carried in her womb. Today, my heart goes out to all my friends and family who carried a child in your womb or your spouses womb but never got the opportunity to carry them in your arms.

I also want to reach out to the main character in this sad story, the fathers who dream of seeing themselves replicated only to have their hopes dashed in hearing those dreaded words repeated:

“...no heartbeat!”

My husband shares: “Olivia introduced me to fatherhood but I was not - or could never be - prepared for her non-arrival/departure. There was a feeling of sadness in not getting the opportunity to meet her, to hold her in my arms and to welcome her to our family and to the world.”

End of Part 1. >>>Continue reading Part 2

Written as part of 'Baby Loss Awareness' Week 2023 (09-15 October)