The day when I first came to know you, my life changed forever. I can still remember the moment when I decided to trust in you and follow you. It feels like it was just yesterday. My heart was filled with joy as I prayed to you. I knew that my life was never going to be the same again.
I remember the amazing feeling when I first started calling myself a follower of you. I felt like I was finally able to see everything clearly for the first time. You gave my life meaning and purpose. I woke up every morning with a wonderful sense of thankfulness and excitement. Every day seemed like a new adventure, following you wherever you would lead me. At first, I didn’t want to stop talking about you. Everyone I met had to know about all the amazing things you had done for me. I wanted to shout your name from every street corner. I wanted show everyone how great you were. I wanted them to know that having a relationship with you is the greatest thing imaginable. I wanted to be your light in the world. Over time, other people started to notice that I was different. I was no longer the same rash and self-centred person that I used to be. There was a new spark in me, and it only seemed to grow brighter, stronger and more contagious with each passing day.
I poured myself into reading your Word. I went to nearly every church service, Bible study, Christian conference and camp that I could go to. I wanted to know you more and more and forever be captivated by you. I wanted to do all that I could to please you. I enjoyed talking to you every day. You were always a great listener. I loved sharing everything with you; all of my excitements and hopes for the day, all of my fears and worries, all of my troubles and struggles, all of the things that I was thankful for, and asking for your blessing on the people around me. You were my greatest treasure. You were my best friend. I would have given up anything for you.
As time went by however, the spark you had ignited in me began to dim a little bit. I started praying to you less often. My Bible reading habits began to slip. I no longer made an effort to confess to you whenever I did something wrong. With each passing day, I allowed myself to get caught up in worries and chasing after money and success. I started to put other relationships before my relationship with you. The opinions of other people became more important. Instead of thinking about how to please you all the time, I became preoccupied with trying to seek the approval of others.
At first, I was content to put you in the background. I still considered you as a good friend, but things were different now. I had a wife and children to look after, a busy work life and so many plans of my own for the future. I convinced myself that you would understand. I still considered you as a good friend, but my relationship with you had to fit around my priorities and plans.
As the years passed by though, we became more and more distant. Sometimes there were weeks when I didn’t speak to you at all. Even when I did spend time with you, I was often too tired to really concentrate or distracted by a million other thoughts. I wasn’t deliberately trying to ignore you. Yet, it seemed the more I chased after my own dreams, the less time I spent with you. Without even realising it, you had become a stranger to me.
Now when I pray to you, it feels like talking to the wind. I sing your praises on Sunday and tell others about how great you are, but my heart still feels empty. I teach my family about the importance of reading the Bible, but I rarely feel like reading it myself. Whenever I serve you at church now, it feels like a burden; just one more task that I need to tick off from my weekly to-do list.
When did you stop being the most important person in my life? When did I stop valuing you as my greatest treasure? When did I forsake you as my first love? I have fallen so far. I’m sorry, Lord Jesus. Lead me back to you.