Family

Love and Acceptance

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
04/28/15
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"God takes care of His own. He knows our needs. He anticipates our crises. He is moved by our weaknesses. He stands ready to come to our rescue. And at just the right moment He steps in and proves Himself as our faithful heavenly Father." --Charles R. Swindoll

I was chasing after that motherly love and each time met with rejection. I was chasing even harder after that fatherly love and faced the same rejection. God's love chased after me. He died for me so I could be set free from the chains of bondage but I rejected Him and His unconditional love, chasing after the conditional love of those earthly beings.

A step towards surrender:

Eventually, I turned to God but each opportunity I got I kept chasing after parental love. That emptiness was always there longing to be filled. It was God's original plan for parents to fill that void but I was a special case and He wanted me to turn my gaze from 'what should have been' to 'what was'. But each reminder of Father's Day or Mother's Day would bring back that feeling of emptiness.

Then there were birthdays and anniversaries that would do the same. Whenever there were any kind of family meetings it would all remind me of the lack of relationship that I so longed for. So, I kept trying harder and harder to develop such relationships.

My endeavours seemed unsuccessful in every way. At one point it seemed I was obsessed about having such connection. I became so angry and frustrated I couldn't see that it had taken the place of God in my life. It was a storm I was going through alone instead of going through it with God. Everything had become about those parents who chose to reject me. God was calling me to focus on Him and I had been doing what I thought God would have me do in trying to make and keep such connections.

Missed opportunities

My father died without me getting the opportunity to meet him. I didn't mourn his death then. Instead, my mourning came to an end. I then began another process of looking back to see how I managed without having the love of a father. I had been mourning the loss all my life. The time had come to say goodbye to past hurts.

I also had a step-father who hadn't a clue what fatherhood meant. His abusive behaviour towards my mother meant that the relationship with my mother wouldn't get the nourishment it needed to help it develop. It also hindered a father-daughter relationship between us.

Each of the men who were given the responsibility of caring for this soul had missed the opportunity to make a positive difference in the life of this soul. If my step-father had treated my mother well, she may have been in a better frame of mind and I might still be living in London today. Had that been the case my husband and I may now have had a better relationship with his parents but moving from London placed a strain on already fractured relationships. Therefore, on both sides of the fence there has been a downward spiral and that move was used as a weapon against us. It became a yoke around our necks and a thorn in our marriage.

It took one of those individuals to do what  any child would have thought impossible for a parent to do, to bring me to my senses. At that point, I began a deliberate process of searching my past to see the good I may not have taken time to recognise due to my obsession of receiving love from parents. It has been a very rewarding journey to see how God has used many individuals to fulfil a need in my life. I am thankful for the wonderful memory he has given me and allowed me to see how He has been working in my life all along.

A few weeks ago I was so depressed from the rejection I faced. Today, I am rejoicing in the knowledge that my heavenly Father loves me. He has always loved me and will never leave me nor forsake me. He said that when mother and father forsakes me, He will take me up. And I have seen this in a very tangible way in my life.

Learning and sharing:

It was never the child's responsibility to reach out to the parents. It was always the parents responsibility to reach out, care for, provide for, teach, share knowledge with, correct, discipline and protect the child. Then the child in response learns to honour his/her parents according to Exodus 20:12. In Ephesians 6:1-3 this command is reiterated but continues with a warning for the parents in verse 4. 'Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.'

So many children are turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, the occult etc. (all the things that are in direct conflict with their spiritual life and detrimental to their emotional, physically, psychological and spiritual health referred to as 'acts of the flesh' in Galatians 5:19-21) in order to feel accepted because their parents or guardians failed to accept them.

A sad case

It is so sad that we do have parents who do state that they 'love' their children but at the same time, fail to accept them. If you are that parent may I reach out to you today and plead to your better nature:

Whomever God sends into your life, ask Him for the courage to accept them. It is the will of God for your life. He has entrusted those precious souls in your care and will therefore give you the strength to do all that He has called you to do in loving and accepting them. Your acceptance of them is how they'll know that you love them.

I listened to a leader share her story from the pulpit saying, "...l don't have a son..." while her son-in-law was present in that meeting. God placed in her life a son. Taking time to develop a relationship with him, would give her the understanding of having a son in her life but she failed to see the gift of a son. It would appear that she only focused on the loss of her daughter to that man.

I could see the sad look on his face, the look of rejection. I knew it only too well, so I had a chat with the speaker at the end of the service just to highlight to her that even though she didn't physically give birth to a boy, God had blessed her with a son and she shouldn't see it as anything less. I hope and pray that she has taken that advice on board and that their relationship has improved. I also hope that sharing it here will help other mother-in-laws and father-in-laws to accept the sons and daughters that God has blessed them with, treating them no less than they would treat their own.

So you may have adopted a child, fostered a child, gained a daughter-in-law or son-in-law but do you treat them with the same care as your own? 

If you don't have a child, you'll have no comparison to make but do you fail to invest in the ones around you because you haven't given birth to them? They may be children in your classroom, youth group, children's home, hospice, etc. Do you treat them with less care than you would your own? Think about your relationship with those God placed under your care and ask God to help you to make a positive difference in their lives.

On the other hand, if you find that you are giving to those you care for outside your home more than those who are at home (within your family) then you are now at a place where you need to rethink your order of priorities so you don't fall outside the will of God. If you don't care for your family then you are worse than an infidel says the Bible (see 1 Timothy 5:8). You must care for those placed under your care and do it joyfully. Who else will do that job?

God's love vs our rejection:

Listening to Pastor Robert Morris (Gateway Church) TBNUK, I learned that 'Rejection is the greatest hurt that we'll ever feel.' I now understand why this has been the most painful part of my life to deal with and to move forward from.

However, God was rejected by the angels He created to serve him. Satan, the top angel, now goes about destroying people's lives then blames God. God's response to Satan's rebellion is the creation of a place called hell, where Satan and all the angels he took with him will spend eternity. Satan and his angels deceives man's hearts and tempts them with temporal pleasures, leading them to hell also, but hell was not created for people and none of us have to go there. We can choose where we spend eternity because God gave us freewill. 'We voluntarily choose to do the things we do.'

Jesus has already paid the debt. God's anger has been satisfied. Forgiveness is freely available to us and we can make the choice to choose life. I pray that you will choose life (John 10:10) and live according to God's Word (John 1:1, 14) so that you can make a difference in the lives of the people you are connected to. God sent His only Son (John 3;16) to pay the price for our sins. The debt is already paid. We need only to ask for forgiveness, surrender to His will and allow Him to lead us into everlasting life.

I don't want religion. I want love. Therefore, I would never point you to religion. With religion it's simply about rules. "Rules don't love you. They just guide you." says Charlie Mackesy. I'm introducing you to Jesus, the One who was rejected by the world He came to save. He alone knows how you feel. He has felt the ultimate rejection. "My God, My God, Why hast Thou forsaken me?" (See Matthew 27:46). Yet from that cross He cried out, "Father, forgive them..." (Luke 23:34). He did nothing wrong but in order to set us free, He took all our sins and died a horrible death so that He could reconnect us with God. He knows our pain. He came to heal. You have a choice today to surrender your will to His (see Romans 10:9) and allow the process of healing to begin or you can continue on the path you have chosen in following your own will and remain in a state of never experiencing forgiveness which brings healing. The choice is yours.

So whether you have rejected others because of the rejection you felt or you are hurting from the experience of being rejected, God understands your pain and wants to bring healing into your life so that you can pass on that love and acceptance to those around you.

I hope that my sharing has been of help to you today. May you find peace and comfort as you meditate on the Word of God.

Stay blessed.

Your sister in Christ

J. S. Ramkissoon
28-Apr-2015 (Edited 29-4-2015).