Family

Living in the fullness of life Part 3

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
04/27/15
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Relocation:

When I moved from London, I was literally  on my own. The only people I knew were my husband and our son. Who was going to be there for me if I needed that kind of support?  I no longer had that network of friends like my youth leaders and the people I had made friends with both in the church and the community. The time did come and I had no one to turn to.

Neither of us had a close relationship with extended family members so we didn't know how to, nor felt comfortable sharing our struggles with them. I remember walking the streets with tears streaming down my cheeks wondering who to call and if I did call what would I say. My needs were greater than any one individual could enter into in trying to help. It needed divine intervention. So I was led to my knees. I heard His voice and responded in obedience.

I found solace in God's Word and began to follow the instructions I received. Then I started to look at life from a different perspective.

My husband and I then went on a Marriage Encounter weekend in Hitchin. There, I had the one thing I needed to start my journey of healing--a Mother's compassion. The song being played had the words, 'Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will,' and that brought me to tears. It wasn't the song in itself, that did it. It was the story being told that uncovered my wounds.

The clip shared was from the musical Man of La Mancha, 'based on the story of Don Quixote. In it, the knight Don Quixote meets a tavern serving maid and part-time prostitute called Aldonza. He greets her with love as his sweet Dulcinea.' It evoked mixture of anger and sadness in me when she responded:

"...I was spawned in a ditch by a mother who left me there, naked and cold and too hungry to cry. I never blamed her. I'm sure she left hoping I had the good sense to die. Then of course there's my father -- I'm told that young ladies can point to their fathers with maidenly pride. Mine was a regiment here for an hour -- I can't even tell you which side. So, of course, I became as befitted my delicate birth..."

I was ready to go home at that point. I could see it was going to be a painful weekend. I wanted happiness, not more pain. I wanted to feel loved not rejection but everywhere I went and everything I saw around me reminded me of the pain of rejection.

Before I had the chance to leave the hotel, Brenda Reynolds (the late wife of Bill Reynolds's) held out her arms and wrapped them around me. She simply held me and allowed me to weep in her arms. I didn't need words, I was in too much pain. I didn't want someone demanding I share why I was upset. I just needed to feel the healing power of my heavenly Father. And that's what I felt that night. Her words were comforting and she assured me it would be okay. Vince and I did spend the weekend. It was a great experience and an investment into our marriage which is still bearing fruit today.

Then I met a blessed soul whose prayers, advice and friendship helped me to release the pain and forgive my father. He shares stories of old with me that helped me to get to know him like a father. He helped me to believe in the gift God has given me. He is affectionately known as my 'Internet Dad'. His name is Thomas Kittrell.

I never want to forget how God used these and other individuals in my life to show Himself strong. I have never been without the help I needed whenever I was in need. I may have gone without such help, out of fear of asking or from embarrassment but there was always an avenue I could turn to for help. So I've never really been alone. But it was difficult to see that while focusing on the pain.

Today I join with Ian Smale, replacing son with child as I sing, "Father God, I wonder how I managed to exist without the knowledge of Your parenthood and your loving care. But now I am your child, I am adopted in Your family, and I can never be alone, cause Father God, You're there beside me."

In wrapping up my thoughts for now, Charles R. Swindoll says it best: "God takes care of His own. He knows our needs. He anticipates our crises. He is moved by our weaknesses. He stands ready to come to our rescue. And at just the right moment He steps in and proves Himself as our faithful heavenly Father."